It’s that time again — time to grouse about a Tribute Games production that made a great impression in its announcement trailer, only to hear back after people had gotten hand-on with it and realise… this isn’t the game I wanted. I figured I’d splash the £4 on it during a Summer sale to get a feel for myself, because as eternally vexing as the studio’s output is to me, there’s always a glimmer of something salvageable in there.
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I swear to god I thought I’d posted this back in the Summer — I might have thought “I can’t queue up multiple posts about beat-em-ups, for crying out loud,” but it’s not like I’ve had opinions on anything else this year!
This is a game that’s been on my Steam wishlist for a million billion years, long past the point of remembering what gameplay footage endeared it to me, but I assume, “if I put it on my wishlist then I must still be interested in it, surely!” A generous thank you to RifeXD for finally sating my curiosity.
I do feel bad that most games I’m gifted end up being critiqued to shreds, but I am grateful for the gesture and consider it nourishment one way or another. If it’s a good game, hooray! If it’s a not so good game, then I get to chew and gnaw at it like a dog on a bone ’til I can hopefully glean some faint praise for it, or at least an understanding of why it didn’t click. Everybody wins!(?)
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Looking up resources for G.I. Joe: Wrath of Cobra, I was curious what reception was like from G.I. Joe fans — lord knows beat-em-up fanatics were not thrilled with its offerings. While some were pleased with its fanservice, the consensus seemed to be that it wasn’t anywhere near the quality of standard as Turtles, and that it had no hope of winning over anyone who wasn’t already a fan of the franchise.
A pity! I don’t know how often it happens in this day and age, but I’m certain a number of franchises owe some of their popularity to a knockout video game tie-in, and part of me wants to see it more often. I’m hesitant to include Turok among those examples because motherfuckers are not reading the comics. I’ll change that one of these days, I swear.
More than one Steam review also made the comparison that this officially-licensed product simply wasn’t as good as Assault On Cobra Island, a fangame in the same vein made in the OpenBOR engine. Well, I guess I gotta investigate this too if I wanna be thorough!
OpenBOR, or Beats of Rage, is an engine used to create your own side-scrolling beat-em-up, similar to your MUGENs and what-have-you. I’ve known of it for decades, I think because of some light coverage on the olde Streets of Rage Online fansite? Back when folks really had to spelunk to find new entries in their favourite genre, but this is my first time getting hands-on with one of its creations.
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It’s been a funky year, to put it politely. My rambling ass has been spewing thoughts into a dictaphone for the sake of possible blog posts, some of them even about subjects that aren’t beat-em-ups, but having the energy, time, motivation, and other variables required to get things done is a bit of a crapshoot in this weather. Thank you for your patience. In the meantime, more freakin’ beat-em-up opinions.
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This is a long one and I haven’t got it in me to do a preamble. I’m still on my Double Dragon kick, and it feels only natural to finally dabble in the Battletoads series as well. I honestly quite liked the look of this reboot based on its cutscenes, even if seeing them next to gameplay did one-eighty my perception, but it’s only fair to give it a swing myself.
While I enjoy a good brawler, I tend to stick to the ones I’m comfortable with, but pal ShaolinTurtle very much keeps up with what’s hip and happening, and had been keeping tabs on Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: Rita’s Rewind. Ever since Shredder’s Revenge, there’s been a whole swathe of pixelated beat-em-ups based on retro properties — the Karate Kid, Toxic Crusaders, G.I. Joe, even Jay & Silent Bob… and no doubt more I’m forgetting, there’s so flippin’ many!
What made Rita’s Rewind stand out is that it showed more than just standard brawling — shooting galleries, auto-runner vehicle sequences ala Konami’s G.I. Joe arcade game, and even Punch-Out style Megazord battles. It certainly got my attention!
Full disclosure, I did not purchase this game, I simply took part via Steam Remote Play, and have not been back to the game since. My positivity and defence of it might come from not paying for the experience…! The game’s since announced major updates to remedy quirks and feedback, so what I describe is likely a thing of the past.
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So, uh, playing Maiden Cops might have encouraged me to pick up other games on Steam for the sole purpose of ripping their sprites, whether I enjoyed them or not. I played Fast Food Rampage for less than twenty minutes and my verdict was “criminally unsatisfying.”
I wasn’t aware of its history at the time, but apparently the roots of this game began in an animation for the YouTube channel Mashed, a parody of Hatred — god, remember that? The same self-serious monologue about the inferiority of others, only it’s delivered by a fast food mascot bemoaning the rising popularity of health foods as he weaponises the McDonalds menu to make people explode from overeating.
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I continue to be zonked out of my gourd, and the insistence of Northern Ireland sporting unpleasantly hot weather really isn’t helping matters. I would love to be writing or drawing or doing any number of things, but in these circumstances I gravitate towards whatever quick-fix distraction feels even mildly productive… which is a long-winded way of saying the sprites section updated with a bunch of guff:
We’ve got Arvoesine; Bomberman ’93, GB and Quest; Bubble Bobble Double; Bubsy in Fractured Furry Tales; Double Dragon Gaiden; Drake & The Wizards 2; Elevator Action Old & New; Fast Food Rampage; The Flintstones (GB); Frogger 2 (XBLA); The Itchy & Scratchy Game; Neutopia II; Rampage (Lynx); Shamisen Brothers; Snoopy Tennis; Street Fighter (PCE); Strikey Sisters; and Toryumon.
Which ties into today’s ramble: a game I picked up for the sole purpose of ripping its sprites, but The Spriters Resource has obliged with a temporary removal on request of its devs until it gets its full release on all platforms. I figure it’s good manners to do the same as well. I’ll then proceed to befoul those good manners by being disparaging towards the game in the ensuing ramble, and for that I apologise!
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While sorting through comics I found my sole issue of the UK Earthworm Jim series, and was reminded of my uneven feelings for the franchise. The cartoon is the only part I ever truly clicked with — the two games I’d played were not exactly its shining hours in any way (Earthworm Jim 3D and the botched port of the first game on GBA), but I felt like there had to be something in this that resonated with me…! The first two games have since been added to Switch Online, and I felt compelled to give them as earnest a try as I could muster. Will they work for me this time? (before you start holding your breath, the answer is no)
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The games I played in 2023 review is done with the addition of Lois & Clark and Combo Rangers. Hopefully I can freakin’ write some different things for a change! In the meantime… uh, more dumb game reviews, sorry.
Have you ever played a game, read a book or watched a TV show forever ago, left it unfinished, and wondered how it panned out in the end? And if you do decide to finish it long after the fact, is there any hope of it matching your expectations…?
Spud! is a game my brother and I were bought in the early days of PC gaming, a point-and-click adventure where you’ve got to rescue Santa Claus from the evil Dr. Chillbane with the help of toy gnomes and fluffy bunnies. Its first-person perspective for its point-and-click puzzles is really unique, offering 360 degrees of panoramic view at every waypoint, though perhaps to the point of excess — does even your inventory need to be a sprawling dome of shelves…?
It’s decidedly off-kilter, between its questionable depictions of Santa’s reindeer and the kooky characters you meet on a tropical island, not to mention its penchant for bloody violence — if you don’t send out the gnomes or bunnies as human shields (or the species equivalent), Spud is liable to come a cropper via a spear through the eye!
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RANDOM HOO HAAS
