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ONM Remembered is OVER!!!

Over five hundred entries over the course of nearly five years. I, uh, honestly wasn’t expecting this silly little column to run for that long! Somebody should probably have intervened.

Like I said all the way at the beginning, the idea to scan these came about as a first step to finally chucking the old things out… and all this time later, even after moving house, they’re still lying around. I think this column only made me more attached to the stupid things! They’re funny little relics, game magazines; a more tangible step into the past than the Wayback Machine can ever amount to, when people were hyped as hell over totally forgotten games or had no better ways of expressing their ill-conceived anger than writing it on paper and putting it in a letterbox. I could wax nonsense about “simpler times” but I’ve been putting off this epilogue for weeks – months, even! – and the last thing I need is more beating about the bush.
Official Nintendo Magazine and its ilk were a lot of fun to look back on, and I think it’s given me a complex about archiving old magazines now, so thanks for that. ONM Remembered was also a fun exercise in writing scheduled content and admittedly getting blood from a stone at times, but I tried to keep it a breezy mish-mash of content that hopefully didn’t get too by-the-numbers. Feel free to tell me how wrong I was.
On the subject of speaking your mind, what’s the verdict? Is scheduled blog content something you want to see more of, or do you prefer Random Hoo Haas when crap just shows up whenever? Not that I’m in a rush to go starting even more projects, but let’s throw the suggestion into the void, why not.

Hey! Metal Slug: Missing in Action updated! The crux of its new content is scans from old game magazines; how’s that for thematic relevance! I also finally finished off Some Games I Played in 2015 so you can read about how dismal Brilliant Bob is. I still have placeholder images in there, but I’m tired. I’ll replace them later.

ONM Remembered – #478

“Ed’s a loopy alien who, while cleaning up his spaceship, accidentally chucked a can of cosmic tonic down to earth. Oops!”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 86 (November 1999) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #477

“What made you decide now was the right time to bring Speedball II to GB Advance?”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 119 (August 2002) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #475

“As a result of the explosion, the flourescent orange flight recorder blows out of ‘copter and down the hill. D’oh! You’re the bloke who has got to find it in the dark!”

from Goldeneye 007 Field Agent’s Manual (pack-in with Official Nintendo Magazine issue 64, January 1998) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #474

“Give Daryl online or his GameCube gets it”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 119 (August 2002) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #473

“Surely this must be quite exciting? Actually, no. We’ve made more exciting cups of tea.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 07 (September 2006) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #472

“Apparently, us British love to eat sissy scones with our tea! What a cheek!”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 88 (January 2000) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #471

“To add the confusion, Virtual Hiryu No Ken has been going by several different names, including Art of Fighting Fist Twin, Flying Dragon Twin, Fly Dragon Fist Twin and various mix ‘n match combinations to make whatever name you felt like saying at the time.”

from N64 Pro issue 6 (April 1998)

ONM Remembered – #470

“Given the massive storage capacity of Nintendo’s disk drive, Mother 3 will undoubtedly be the biggest adventure game ever on a home console.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 64 (January 1998) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #469

“When I was conceptualising this mag I dreamt of all the amazing 64bit games I’d be playing. Had this dropped on my desk when I was Editor of Super Action I wouldn’t have thought it was all that good. Know what I mean?”

from 64 Magazine issue 4 (February 1998) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #468

“This month’s Ultimate Warrior looks like a cutey, but his creator reckons he’d put up quite a fight.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 78 (March 1999)
(big ups to for the scans!) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #467

“Bored after saving the world from the nuclear missile crisis, the Blast Corps crew decide to stage a no-holds-barred race through towns and countryside.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 66 (March 1998) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #466

“Dropping the joypad after a minute and walking off exclaiming ‘What a steaming great dumper!’ will not do anything for Anglo-Nippon relations. Unless it’s Seta. They’re probably used to it.”

from N64 Magazine issue 11 (January 1998) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #465

“After finishing this letter, I didn’t know whether to congratulate you or call the police.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 58 (July 1997) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #464


from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 148 (January 2005) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #463

“Look out for these cool Frogger chain games from Tiger. They’re fast, furious ‘n’ fun.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 85 (October 1999) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #462


from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 85 (October 1999)

The longer I look at that raptor, the more it looks like a meticulously painted jellybean.

ONM Remembered – #461

“Pull on yer baggy trousers and catch some air.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 88 (January 2000) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #460

“Why was it that only the swots can manipulate the metal loop ’round the windy wire course without touching it and causing it to buzz? Why is it that I, Alex ‘steadyhands’ Lee, can never quite get it to the end without that bloody buzzer going off?”

from N64 Pro issue 6 (April 1998) (Continued)

ONM Remembered – #459

“The official word on the Nintendo grapevine is that he’s going to be called Derek in the Gamecube version.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 104 (May 2001) (Continued)