Dinosaur Hunter Diaries #112: The Resurrection!

Friday, February 19, 2021 at 8:00 am Comments Off on Dinosaur Hunter Diaries #112: The Resurrection!

Turok: Dinosaur Hunter #38

It’s only the best and/or stupidest issue of Turok: Dinosaur Hunter you’re ever going to read. Don’t miss it!

Hey, so, our heroes have been captured by a tribe of Nazi women deep in the Lost Land, complete with Nazi stronghold, Nazi dinosaurs, and the big cheese Nazi himself in a pod just waiting to be revived. What’s up with that, eh? Well, it’s all very simple, really. What’s-her-face here and her elite cabal of “valkyries” retrieved Hitler’s body after he made the best career move of his ex-life, leaving a double in its place, and while begging for his revival, were promptly swept into the Lost Land via an errant time and space anomaly. You can thank Unity for acts of god like that.

What about Elvis, then? Well, they just found “der wunderbar king” crashed in a UFO in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, with a handy-dandy top secret report from Lyndon B. Johnson briefing him on his new career as ambassador to the stars. Again, another logical career move. With the body of this star-faring king, and the mind of their fallen führer, they aim to revive ol’ one-ball and set their sights on conquering the world!

Of course, rebuilding the Third Reich is thirsty work, and the women in waffenröck are champing at the bit for some Turok dick to help repopulate their forces. He’s taken, thanks, and responds to fraü-führer’s foreplay with an elbow to the gut. She doesn’t take being friendzoned in stride, and sics Bigfoot to maul him a lesson. Even with his hands in chains, Turok manages to topple the big lug by choking him out.

If he survived that, then obviously Turok is at least worthy to witness the rebirth of their leader, using the ol’ Frankenstein method of hooking up a bunch of diodes together and letting lightning do the work. If all goes according to plan, the mind of the führer will live on in the body of the king!

… or the machinery will get totalled and ol’ Adolf will get cooked extra crispy. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. But wait… there’s results.

The king lives! The Third Reich is reborn!

… or the world can enjoy a renaissance of Presley’s discography, now with a whole new linguistic slant. Needless to say, the Nazis are less than enthused.

Elvis has left the mortal coil.

Apparently enraged by his masters’ disregard for the arts, Bigfoot goes ape and lays his stinkin’ paws on der dirty fuhrer, chucking her to her doom off the side of the fortress. The scientist’s dinky peashooter does nothing to stop it and gets a taste of her own foul medicine, cooked by the same machinery that did in their boss. The explosion triggers a chain-reaction to the fortress’ interior, where they happened to be storing their bevy of missiles…

… and the whole place goes up in smoke, Bigfoot fighting to the bitter end, as Turok, Andy and Regan bail on a pteranodon steed. And so ends another ridiculous story arc.

This is a stupid, stupid issue. I also love the heck out of it. Turok and company practically play sideshow to this ludicrous Looney Tunes Nazi scheme, offering snarky commentary when it all goes awry. As a Turok comic, it’s probably not a good showing, with very little of what you’d subscribe for; next to no dinosaurs, and not even any hunting! As a yarn of its own, though, it’s a hoot. I love it.

This issue really shows Rags Morales’ capability for good old fashioned cartooning. The Nazi valkyries look hilarious. I love the scientist’s giant goggle glasses and exaggerated teeth. The sasquatch looks fantastic, and the scene of it sulking away only to be consoled by Andy has me alternately cracking up and doting over the big lug. It’s such a wonderfully expressive issue as a whole, but to see the Nazis rendered as buffoonish caricatures just sets my heart ablaze.

I could be that guy and say it’s the closest the series has gotten to varied female faces, and they belong to Nazis who are slobbering horny dolts, alternately drooling over Turok and snogging each other in celebration during their experiments. I could also say, let cartoons be cartoons. To have a band of pompous oafs with a dumbass evil scheme blow up in their face isn’t something you come across too often, at least not with this level of sheer barminess. I’d love for Turok to reach the campy insanity of G.I. Joe, and this is the closest it’s ever gonna get.

The stories will remain in the Lost Land for the next few issues, so it’s still gonna be a wild ride… just not as outside the series’ usual wheelhouse quite like this arc. It won’t be the last time the Turok franchise will have a run-in with Nazis, unfortunately, thought it’s definitely the most entertaining instance of it.

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