Trans-Europe Express

by Ragey

Istanbul is a quiet little town of bustling markets, cheery residents and not being Constantinople. Until the Decepticons attack!  They swipe up some citizens and demand to know where Abdul Ben Faisal resides, the greatest sage of all the land, but refuse to tell the giant menaces where he lives. A warning shot changes that train of thought.

Megatron and Soundwave locate Abdul Ben Faisal and set about pressurising him for the whereabouts of the Pearl of Bahoudin. Without much hassle, the sage informs them that the pearl resides in the Galata Valley, but knows that it'll give them more trouble than they think it will.

Although not quite the trouble Ben Faisal had in mind, the Decepticons discover the valley to be positively huge and there's no way even Rumble or the Constructicons could find it in under a year, so they realise they need a professional archaeologist.
 

Meanwhile in Paris, the Europe 2000 race is up and ready to almost begin, where the task is to drive from France to Istanbul. And Autobots Wheeljack, Tracks, Smokescreen, Bumblebee, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker and Bluestreak are taking part! Not to mention famed professional racer Auggie Cahnay, who doesn't take kindly to these computer brained non-regulation race car robots taking part; never mind that this is a simple race for charity, he wants the money!

Wheeljack takes note of Auggie's badass car custom built by Simultech Industries, not to mention the engine that's made out of some weird metal, and considers that to be what Prime was worried Megatron would take interest in. Nevertheless, they've got a race to take part in, so they roll up to the starting grid and they're off! Auggie doesn't waste time in being an asshole on the road.
 

Back to the valley, Professor Terranova is brought in to use his metal detector to find the pearl, the finds the spot where they need to begin the dig. They cuff his wrists to prevent him from climbing any cliffs, but when their backs are turned he uses a convenient piece of machinery to remove it and climb a cliff to escape. While the aforementioned back turning is taking place, Soundwave informs Megatron about the Autobots participating in the Europa 2000, but the emperor of destruction sees it as no concern at all. They're hundreds of miles away, so they'll have plenty of time for their evil scheme!

Regardless, the Stunticons are contacted to make sure no Autobot makes it to the finish line in one piece. Auggie Cahnay continues to be a jerk on the road, nearly crushing Bumblebee against a cliff wall, but he gets out of it okay and climbs aboard Bluestreak in an attempt to teach the guy some manners.

They pull him out of the car and give him a public service announcement about how he won't be alive to enjoy his million dollar reward if he keeps driving like that, though not that it would be any great tragedy. Auggie shrugs it all off, hops back in the car and speeds off. Approaching Yugoslavia now!

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker aren't doing terribly great, and things get worse when they're surrounded by Stunticons! Dead End blasts them off the road and knocks them out of commission, leaving only five more to sort out. Just past Bulagalia [not quite a sic] and approaching Turkey!

Wheeljack enjoys the scenery of the Black Sea, only for Motormaster to roll in and try to knock him off the road, which certainly spoils things a tad. He manages to evade and avoid most of the Decepticons' manoeuvres...
 

Only for a shortcut down onto a lower road to lead to his undoing, with Motormaster defying the laws of physics to fly farther and higher and crush Wheeljack quite utterly. Wheeljack isn't that gutted by it, though.
 

Smokescreen's location isn't even said, but he does believe he'll be the first to cross the finish line. That belief is promptly shattered by Dead End crashing into him and knocking him off the road, followed by the rest of the Stunticons ramming his ass like a volleyball. He manages to crawl back onto the road, allowing Bluestreak to find his body and attempt to get him to safety...

Only for him to be the new target of violence and abuse! The four cars circle him while Motormaster attempts to crush him like a Casey Kasem-voiced grape, but he manages to leap onto Wildrider and get himself dragged into the woods. Bluestreak, ever confident, claims he will not be shaken off, though Wildrider desires to challenge that notion...

By ramming into a cliff wall.

Of course, that just shook him off and onto a higher walkway, so it didn't even do that much good but Wildrider's content with the belief that he did good and drives away. And on that very walkway is Professor Terranova, who demands help from the Autobot and sets about filling him in on the status of the Pearl of Bahoudin.

Meanwhile, Bumblebee and Tracks can't make radio contact with their buddies and find this to be an unpleasant situation, followed up by the realisation that the Stunticons approaching them. A quick nip into the trees and out again saves them from a beat down. Bluestreak informs them that the Decepticons are digging up something big two miles from the finish line, and the ever usual destruction of the world could occur if his plan is not foiled. And there's only three Autobots not crushed enough to do it!

The Stunticons are told to ignore the three remaining Autobots (famous last words!) and just focus on swiping Auggie Cahnay's automobile, which they do with remarkable ease thanks to Auggie having a hissy fit at seeing more robots hassling him and these ones having guns to point at him.

Bluestreak stumbles upon the carless Auggie and laughs at him, but Cahnay claims he wants to help the Autobots defeat the Decepticons for the sole purpose of getting his car back. Using human initiative, he streaks ahead and catches up to Bumblebee and Tracks, and promptly wins the race! However, they just keep driving on and don't stop, leaving the race commentator rather puzzled and with nothing left to do but wait for them to return.

The Pearl of Bahoudin is unearthed and brought to Megatron, just as the Autobots arrive just in time to have the story of it told to them.

The pearl was the core of a weather controlling machine from Cybertron, but the machine it was housed in was destroyed and left it buried for many years. It was dug up in the fourteenth century, but exposure to the atmosphere it activated it and destroyed a few dozen places, so the solid gold casing was creating to seal it's power. What Megs needs is a machine to control it's power with energy-resistant metal, hence why they needed Auggie's car and the engine to melt it down and make the machine out of it. And with that, Megatron will be the master of the elements and control the very world within his palm!

"The heck you will! Stay out of my car!"

While Auggie fights the sissy Scavenger with a convenient flamethrower in his car, the Stunticons attempt to make mincemeat out of the Autobots, but neither party does particularly well. Bumblebee realises that it'd be best if they make use of the pearl, and swipes it off Megatron.

The three are promptly surrounded and have enough laser fire to fill a bathtub fired at them, but no one on either side gets shot at all. Hence, it's a hopeless predicament! And that's precisely what Bumblebee needs to give using the pearl a shot. He cracks the shell just a little and holds it to the air...

And immediately starts raining pain.

Bumblebee threatens Megatron to end his scheme or else the casing will be opened all the way, but Megatron just summons the Stunticons to form Menasor and let him get it back. The combiner promptly causes an earthquake and trips up Bumblebee, dropping the pearl from his hand and letting it get whisked into a whirlwind.

Megatron immediately considers his plan a failure and calls for a retreat, but leaves Menasor behind to squash the Autobots like mangos. Of course, they just lure him to a convenient giant hole, blast the ground beneath him and then blast the rubble in an attempt to keep him crushed down there, but it's not exactly effective.

Menasor continues battering his enemies with no remorse, and Auggie can do little more than look on in horror. So he hops into his car, leading the Autobots to assume they've been abandoned and left to die, but he's really just driving up to higher ground and crashing his car into Menasor's face, exploding it quite utterly. Hooray!

Bluestreak and Tracks congratulate their asshole comrade on doing something right for once, only to realise that Bumblebee is driving into the tornado in a crazy foolhardy attempt to stop the pearl!

A lucky shot destroys the pearl, quelling all of the natural disasters it caused and leaving Bumblebee to land on a branch. With the day saved, they all ponder about today's events, and Tracks believes that Megatron actually set up the whole race just to get Auggie's car, meaning no money for charity! Auggie realises that he should take whatever prize he should get what with losing his car and all, but...

He gives them the Pearl of Bahoudin and asks them to get a good price for it, one that will surely go for over twenty million. What a charitable person Auggie is! Now with nothing left, he walks the weary road home, with nothing to his name but a reputation.

"Now as night falls on Istanbul, we're hoping to have that interview with the winners for you, um... sometime soon. I hope."

"Somebody wanna go out and grab us some dinner?"

Bluestreak takes Professor Terranova with him to the battle scene, but all he does is appear in a few scene and adds no input at all. Would you rather be on a dangerous cliff or in the middle of a warzone?

lol engrish

Sideswipe shows up with the Decepticons again.

He really makes it a habit.