ONM Remembered – #423

Saturday, November 5, 2016 at 11:00 am Comments (2)

“Some sources claim that it’s an updated version of Ocarina of Time with GameCube-style graphics and elements which had to be left out of the N64 original.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 119 (August 2002)

Forget hype campaigns or fancy previews or any of that nonsense, here’s a quick ‘n’ nasty list to remind yourself of what upcoming projects to get excited for, and hope they’ll still somewhat resemble how they’re described here!

New Zelda Game: It’d be three years before we got a whiff of Twilight Princess, so this was actually the Legend Of Zelda: Collector’s Edition. I’m not sure what source embellished that crap about three discs, but there’s certainly no behind-the-scenes documentary (unless that tiny lousy retrospective video counts), they didn’t bundle a soundtrack with the game as far as I recall, and get outta here if you thought they’d remake Ocarina of Time when the game wasn’t even five years old yet.
(have any of Nintendo’s remakes ever gone ahead and included stuff they couldn’t the first time? i feel like someone oughta hold them to it sooner or later, it’s grinding my gears, it is)

Resident Evil 4: The game shipped on two discs, not three. Boasting about how many discs your game came on must’ve been the dick-measuring contest of the day.

Kirby Tilt ‘N’ Tumble 2: Disappeared into the freakin’ ether! One of the few games to really sell the GBA-to-GCN connectivity, too, and it just never showed up. What a bummer. Especially with that outrageous claim of having a basic programming engine for players to construct mini-games out of. A precursor to WarioWare D.I.Y., perhaps…?

Pichu Bros.: These Pokémon demos confuddled the heck out of reporters, as nobody seemed quite sure what was to become of them. There was all sorts of wild speculation about the supposed games behind the Pichu Bros. and Meowth’s Party titles… but in the end they were just in-game TV shows for Pokémon Channel.

Probotector: A Contra game for GameCube would’ve been a pleasant surprise, but it was actually a dodgy port of Contra 3 to Game Boy Advance. Cheers, lads.
As I always do because I never research anything, I was about to remark a Contra game on GameCube would’ve been the only legacy franchise of Konami’s to appear on the console… until I remembered Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, and those weird 3D Frogger games, and Mario Dance Dance Revolution, and maybe even Dream Mix TV World Fighters and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles if you want to be pedantic. So I am talking straight out of my arse. Still, 3D Contra would’ve been nice rather than we’ve-seen-this-already Contra.

Super Mario Advance 3: We got Yoshi’s Island instead. And it was a good call, apparently, as it’s far easier for Nintendo to emulate this game on Virtual Console than try to replicate the Super FX2 chip. Ninty are a strange bunch.

The Matrix: We were graced with Enter The Matrix, which received such colourful review quotes as “Enter the Matrix is a polished turd. Pick it up and you’ll likely be mesmerized by its sparkly veneer–but play it for an hour and its sticky fecal filling oozes all over your hands.” Good news indeed.

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2 Responses to “ONM Remembered – #423”

  • Me says:

    You mean Frogger: Ancient Shadow and Frogger: The Rescue or whatever? I’m only certain about the title for the former game.

    Ancient Shadow is a nice meme. Seems like the kind of fodder that would fit into a General Writing.

    There’s also a “Frogger: Helmet Chaos” game for DS, but DS isn’t a Gamecube so that probably isn’t relevant.

  • Ragey says:

    Oh my god, Ancient Shadow sounds like a joke subtitle I’d make up*. Now I’m tempted to play the entire library of Frogger games. I’ve enough bad ideas as it is without reader submissions!

    *(i thought i’d be clever and say “what’s next? Mappy: The Revenge? and then i look it up and there’s a friggin’ Mappy: Revenge of Nyamco)

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