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ONM Remembered – #67

“You’ll love the free Nintendo All Star Battle Cards that came free with this month’s NOM.”


from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 114 (March 2002)

For anyone who’s actually looked at the rest of the site (god help you!), you might be familiar with Tarzan vs. Batman, which was just me waffling a whole ton on some Nintendo-themed Top Trumps cards. Well, their source is now revealed!

After carefully avoiding naming them because I hadn’t a clue, it turns out they are called the Nintendo All Star Battle Cards… which is the exact same name as the other Top Trumps cards they offered four years earlier. As if that wasn’t confusing enough, they’re alternately referred to as the Nintendo Official Magazine Battle Cards. Huh. Turns out I was better off dubbing them the GameCube Power Deck.

God, reading the instructions only emphasises how dumb the stats are. Why are these characters determining victory over how many consoles they’ve been on or their year of Nintendo debut? Man alive, son, give them something interesting to fight over. Just because it’s not a video game doesn’t mean you have to make it as boring as possible. At least let them bash a few skulls in stat form.