Ultimate Teacher

When we last saw our heroine, she was about to be taught a biology lesson by the Pinball Mob. Prepare yourself.

Ready? Let's begin.

"Lesson number one. Wink wink!"

"Lesson number two. Wink wink!"

"Lesson number three. Wink wink!"

"Lesson number four. Wink wink!"

Just as Ganbachi promised, Hinako is reduced to a babbling ball of hysteria, and dashes her way out of the school grounds, knocking down anyone and everyone in her way, even destroying Ganbachi's y-front mound. The teacher is all too pleased with this outcome, even if it did involve being buried in his own underpants.

That night at the lake, Hinako practises her awesome ninja skills and totally knocks down a tree with a simple kick. Ryuichi and Kansuke try to persuade her back to the school, believing she's the only one who can take care of Ganbuchi's tyranny, but Hinako states she's never returning to the school, as the embarrassment she endured was just too much. The two are still determined to win her back, and invite her to the grocery store so they can get something to eat and talk things over.

However, even that innocent invitation sparks trouble, as Ryuichi is getting bad vibes from the place, but all Kansuke notices is the manager's bad breath. Ryuichi is told to get some bean shoots from the ice box while Kansuke uses the microwave, wondering why his chum would think anything is odd about the place. I mean, what danger would exist in a simple grocery store?

OH GAAAAAHD

The microwave man bursts out of the counter and strangles Kansuke, while a deep-sea diver rises from the ice box with the aim of stabbing Ryuichi. Hinako can't tend to her friends, however, as the janitor, Mr. Daigoroh and a tiny cherub, Mr. Chan, attack her with a wheelie cart!

Ryuichi elbows the diver in the gut and uses his knife to sever the connection to his oxygen tank, and then dunks his head in the ice box until the diver drowns, while Hinako sorts out Daigoroh with some bananas squirted into his eyes, causing him to crash into the refrigerators, while Chan is taken out with a well-placed kick.

Kansuke tends to the microwave man by slamming his door shut and turning it on, boiling the poor sap's head until the device explodes, causing them both to collapse on the floor. Hinako goes to check on her comrade, but something shoots into her leg. A penny?

The manager states with a grim grin that this store is Pinball territory and he happens to have been a former Pinball leader, so she's in for a world of pain. And thus, he unleashes an onslaught of penny projectiles at her, piercing her flesh, though Ryuichi steps into the way to protect her.

Ryuichi slowly advances as the manager continues to pelt more coins into his face, but is soon faced with a dilemma that he has no means of protecting himself up close. Ryuichi grabs his hands, disarming him, and headbutts the manager straight into the ceiling. Weakened, Ryuichi collapses.

Hinako cradles her fallen friend as he asks her to do something for him, and to accept no matter what: Go back to school and overthrow Ganbachi. It's the only way the school can reclaim its old ways, and for Hinako to overcome her troubles. She accepts and says she'll phone for an ambulance as her comrade passes out.

Meanwhile at the Baioh Marriage License Bureau, top secret goings-on are taking place among the researchers. One man provides a run-down of what's known about Ganbachi Chabara, that his age is unknown but during the student uprisings in the 60s he was an illicit drug dealer, but went into hiding after some deals went wrong. He then went to work at the women's college, ignoring his old occupation, but when the women laughed at "what he had to offer," and thus he grew an ambition to get revenge on all students, but women in particular.

Then the bio engineers recruited him to make him into a man who could survive a nuclear attack. Thus, he was infused with the genes of a cockroach, but the transfusion wasn't complete before he escaped, thus his human side was infected with the behaviour and appetite of the insect. Ooer.

The next morning, Ganbachi launches an all-out assault on Teioh High School, mocking their belief that Hinako will return to make things right.

Bang on time, Hinako arrives and her mere presence stops the battle. However, the Pinball Mob are called upon once more to bring her down to size, though now with their secret weapon - advanced lessons! Will Hinako survive this onslaught?

"Advanced lesson one. Wink wink!"

"Advanced lesson two. Wink wink!"

"Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink, wink!"

"Midget."

D:

The Pinball Mob dishonoured, Hinako proceeds to reveal her own secret weapon. Removing her belt and unzipping her skirt, she reveals...

Regular panties! She's a big girl now, and has no need for her childish Velvet Pussy Panties - she has the confidence and power to stand down these goons. One could say with that bold demonstration, she's manlier than everyone else.

And thus, the Pinball Mob run away crying with their tackle between their legs.

Hinako has won over even Ganbachi's crew, so much that they replace their anti-Pussy signs with pro-panty signs, and follow that up with a thorough beat-down of their former leader. Huzzah!

In the evening time, the students are rebuilding the damage bone while Umekuchi congratulates Hinako on her great victory, but she's still not happy - she won by stooping down to the Pinball Mob's level, so she's no better than they are. She tells Umekuchi to take reign as the school's leader, as she's leaving.

She steps inside but stoops to the floor in pain, crying that she mustn't be ashamed of what she did, she's grown-up now, but makes the unfortunate mishap of falling down the stairs. What inner turmoil could be weakening our brave heroine?

You can rest assured there won't be any bulging crotches for the remainder of the film.

The "lesson" chant of the Pinball Mob's marching is a UK dub addition - in the original Japanese it was merely "stomp stomp stomp. Schwing, schwing!" I personally prefer the "lesson" chant, but anything that brings Wayne's World to mind can't be bad either. Strangely, the UK dub actually ditches a gag; Kansuke's tear-filled plea to Hinako as she approaches the grocery store is "can't I grab some eats too?", prompting a look of dismay from her, whereas the UK dub is merely "nobody can beat the monster except you!" which seems to change her reaction to exasperation rather than in reply to food talk.

Ryuichi asks Kansuke "can you feel it?" in the store, prompting him to reply "my ears feel the best when they're touched," apparently mistaking it for a sexual kink question (with a rather tame response) in the Japanese source and US dub, but the UK dub just changes to an easy bad breath gag. The grocery store gang are the "Teioh High OB Squad," but the UK dub makes them into former members of the Pinball Mob.

The Japanese version features different activity for Ganbachi's early years - he sold soup to students and army units, but went into hiding when eight hundred people got food poisoning. He then appeared at a reform movement at a college, hoping to get back into the good books of society again. He took a holiday with several other folks and drank siphoned gas from a parked car, and when he was unconscious he was abducted by the genetic science crew. I imagine it was changed for the UK dubs simply to be edgy and have mentions of drugs, and for another penis joke.