The God Gambit

by Ragey

On Titan, one of Saturn's moons, we see that it has a human civilisation running, with villagers approaching a giant stone head with offerings to the Sky God. Of course, it's not really, it's just a big ol' stone thing that Jero, the High Priest, needs slaves to lift it's arms and put jewels in it's eyes to make it seem like it means business.

Jero claims the Sky God demands their harvest offerings and begins scolding one of the villagers for having so little, but elsewhere the rebel Talaria and her troops arrive to battle the people making the Sky God run, destroying the mechanisms and letting the big thing collapse to the ground.
 

Talaria then singles out Jero for being such a humongous jerk face, using the claim of Sky Gods as an excuse for high taxes and harsh laws. Jero promises punishment for her out roar, but she merely laughs, as she believes in reason and common sense, but superstitious dribble. Burn.

Meanwhile in deep space, Cosmos has been hunting for energy data in an asteroid field but is currently being hunted by Astrotrain, and calls Autobot HQ for some assistance. Prime asks for the data to be sent to Teletraan-1, but Red Alert states that's too risky for fear of the Decepticons intercepting the link. Thrust and Starscream, Astrotrain's passengers, point out to their transport that he's running low on energy, but the shuttle claims he's on top of the situation and blasts Cosmos out of the sky.
 

Back on Titan, Talaria is debunking the myths of the Sky Gods, asking why they keep them in a land where food is scarce, but Jero claims the Sky Gods prevent them from leaving the lands and that they are rewarded for their sacrifices. Talaria tells the High Priest to shut his face unless he shows her a Sky God. And right at that moment, Cosmos comes crashing down!

Naturally, everyone finds poor unconscious Cosmos and set about bowing down to his mighty cosmic powers, and even some of Talaria's troops are converted with this omen, but she believes it to be one of Jero's tricks. Elsewhere, the Decepticons land near the temple and spy on what's going on, believing that if these people worship Transformers, then surely some insidious profit could be made from that situation.

The three roll in and Astrotrain deems himself the mightiest of the Gods, and anyone who does not believe that or thinks otherwise will die! Nobody complains.

They take Cosmos into the temple and put him up in place of the fallen statue, while also disconnecting his communication wire, swiping his data storage and laughing it all off. However, Thrust reminds Astrotrain that his energy was drained substantially while chasing Cosmos, so until they get him recharged they're stuck on Titan.

Talaria, having overheard the whole thing, waits until the Decepticons move out and arrives on Cosmos' podium, reconnecting his wire and causing a comm screen to fold out of his chest. Optimus Prime speaks on the other end and gets Talaria's response that Cosmos is out of commission, and is told to press a button to send a signal so they can come and fetch their chum. Doing so, however, makes a very loud and obnoxious noise that alerts the Decepticons to what's going on.

Thrust and Starscream try to blast Talaria, but she avoids every shot and manages to make her escape, but Astrotrain is not bothered and lets her flee, but blasts down the reactivated Cosmos.
 

Back on Earth, two of the Autobots plan to fly to Titan in Omega Supreme; the trip will be a substantial drain on Omega's energy so the passengers will help search for energy so he can make a return flight. Optimus chooses himself as one of them, but Red Alert once again mentions how risky that would be to lose their leader, so Perceptor and Jazz choose themselves for the task and they soon set off for Saturn's moon.
 

Jero leads Astrotrain into a cave of crystals that are practically bursting with energy, and needless to say Starscream is overjoyed. One of the High Priest's followers reminds him that the crystals are taboo, but since Astrotrain is their God then he can whatever he wishes with them.

Omega Supreme makes his way to Titan, but is forced to make a crash landing and narrowly avoids death by plummeting over a cliff, and doesn't have the strength to transform or pull himself back. Perceptor and Jazz head out to find Cosmos and leave poor Omega teetering over the unstable edge.

The villagers are then thrown into more slave labour by harvesting the crystals and taking them outside the cave, but Starscream notes that the structure of the energy source is highly unstable and could be hazardous if they were treated clumsily.

Elsewhere, Jazz and Perceptor are having no luck finding Cosmos, but are having plenty of arrows being shot at them.

It's Talaria! She claims the citizens of Titan will now worship false Gods, but Jazz has no idea what she's on about and after realising that they are coming for Cosmos, takes them to him. Jazz is shocked and appalled at the fact these people are worshipping him as an idol, but before they can get away with their buddy Starscream and Thrust enter the temple and open fire.

Starscream battles Jazz, though by battle it's more just driving around the room in their vehicle modes before Jazz picks up a boulder and clubs the Decepticon with it. Thrust is called to for support, but he runs out of the temple like a sissy and tells Astrotrain about what's going on.

Jazz takes the battle outside the temple, only for the citizens to be ordered to fire their crystals at him, exploding on forcible contact. The Decepticons briefly retreat as Perceptor sees what's going on, as a catapult is brought in and used to blast the Autobots into a pit.

With the Autobots subdued, Talaria is captured by Astrotrain and prepared to be sacrificed!

Starscream and Thrust are sent out on patrol for the Autobots, Astrotrain believing them to have fled, but they have no luck in finding them, though they're really just hiding in the bushes and aim to find where the crystals are being harvested.

The slaves are too exhausted to keep on harvesting the crystals and Jero asks if he can punish them some more, but Astrotrain decides that holding a sacrifice would help in getting their working spirit back into shape.

The Autobots find the cave of crystals and Jazz tries breaking some out with a boulder to bring back for Omega Supreme, but Perceptor discourages him, claiming that with their volatile nature, the destruction of one could cause a chain reaction of explosions!

A few citizens see them and complain that their faith in the Sky Gods has been destroyed with them only bringing death and sorrow to their land, but the Autobots claim they're not the gods and that Astrotrain has been lying to them. The citizens say if only they had listened to Talaria then she wouldn't be prepared for sacrifice, and point out that the ceiling of the cave leads to the temple, and the electric lava pool fills the chasm around the plateau. Thus, Jazz climbs up to the temple while Perceptor gathers crystals for Omega Supreme.

However, getting those crystals to ol' Supreme is difficult, as the ground he is supported on has drifted from the cliff, but Perceptor manages to make it across and fills him up just before they plummet into the electric lava.

In comparison, all Jazz has to do is shoot the dagger from Jero's hand before he sacrifices Talaria, blast Astrotrain in the chest, untie Talaria and then hide behind the platform until Omega Supreme shows up, so he's got it relatively easy.

Omega tears his way through the temple wall, but Starscream and Thrust blast off before he can deal with them. Astrotrain tries to make his escape and dives down the hole Jazz arrived from, and only barely escapes death from being explodified from the electric lava. Jero finds his master and asks who the false gods are, but Astrotrain ignores him completely and decides that if he can't have the energy crystals, no one can!

The Decepticons make their retreat from the planet as Jero is forced to flee from the explosion, but it's not over yet! The explosion tears apart the temple and causes the mountain it's seated on to erupt with lava, and since the cliff they're on has no bridge, they're stuck!

That is, until Omega Supreme turns himself into a bridge. The citizens make their way over with Perceptor carrying Cosmos while Jazz lingers about to make sure nobody's left behind. However, as he crosses over with Talaria he stumbles and entire cliff crumbles into the lava, barely making it into the bridge. But he's okay!

Talaria laments that their old home was lost, but the villagers don't waste time in starting to build a new one, and Cosmos is restored to working order again. The citizens of Titan thank the Autobots for helping them overcome their Decepticon rulers, and Jazz is happy to see that their beliefs won't be toyed about with anymore.

Astrotrain is ludicrously out of character in this episode; while he's normally rather quiet and only beats up a fellow Decepticon after a falling out with Blitzwing in Triple Takeover, here he's choking Starscream like nobody's business and spouting all kinds of Megatron-esque dialogue. Pretty much proof that it was just quickly rewritten to feature the ol' train shuttle, being a new toy and all.

You never find out what Cosmos' energy data was. =(