As I Command Thee

Before we get to the main stuff, brief history lesson!

"Long ago at the dawn of time, a great and magnificent commonwealth ruled this planet. It was a civilisation that existed in perfect harmony with nature, for it was a society that relied entirely on the principles of advanced sorcery and magic. Upon the spirits of the skies, of the oceans, and of the Earth itself. Then conflict broke out among the people as the source of their magical energy began to disappear. Quickly the conflicts escaladed into a war that engulfed the entire world. Afterward, even the greatest of man's civilisations lay in ruins."
 

"However, time passed, and little by little the survivors set about the task of rebuilding their world. Others, however, sought to recover the lost powers of the past, for buried in the countless ruins, great magic and treasures still existed. The people of this new world called these daring adventurers..."

"... The Ruin Explorers!"
 

Needless to say, it only makes to follow up a tale of the world's wealthy past by introducing us to the two main characters, Fam and Ihrie, as they lie trapped beneath a ceiling of spikes that threaten to puncture them dead. Ihrie, not exactly appreciating being in such a situation, shouts at her magic-using companion to activate the switch out of reach to get the ceiling off of their hides.

Fam obeys, reciting the spell and light fills the switch. They wait...

SHIIIIIIT
 

Before they get squished, the switch moves into action and the spikes are instantly withdrawn. Despite this convenience, Ihrie is none too happy about Fam's bumbling nature and sets into a screaming rant, only prompting the tail girl to flee and step on another switch, causing the floor to collapse!

Conveniently, it only dumps them out of a chute into the sand outside, leaving Ihrie's head too covered in the stuff to bother complaining. Death averted!

Despite surviving at least seven traps, Ihrie laments on how they spent so much time on those diversions that they barely plundered a thing from that ruin, thus kind of spoiling their quest for the Ultimate Power. Fam suggests they stop whining and treat themselves to a stay at an inn instead of camping out. Ihrie concurs. Uncomfortable sleeping averted!

On the downside, they don't have enough treasure to get themselves a room or any sympathy from the inn owner, but before Ihrie resorts to violence to sort this matter, in steps Galuff, a travelling merchant! He suggests they sell their treasure to him and that will be more than enough to cover for the finest room the inn provides, which Ihrie sees as vaguely shady at first, but who can say no to that face? Fam, meanwhile, nearly loses a hand to Galuff's dog, Gill.

While Fam relishes in how bouncy the bed is, Ihrie treats us to unnecessary tits. Not for you, sir. Buy the damn series.

Ihrie dozes off in the bath and reminisces to years ago, to one instance where she trashed off some "miserable old fart's" home, only for said fart to tie up the poor girl and place a curse upon her. She's still a mite pissed over that and claims once she gains the Ultimate Power she'll get that old man and surely kick his behind in some way.
 

In the morning, the two grab themselves from breakfast for both immediate consumption and storing for later, only to run into Galuff again. Fam thanks him for the whole covering their hefty charges deal, but Ihrie believes the crazy fool to have ulterior motives for the whole thing, though the merchant claims he just likes to support courageous young explorers like themselves. Completely contrasting what he just said, he asks them if they know about the Ultimate Power, catching Ihrie by surprise though she covers her flub by talking with her mouth full and claiming not to know of it.

Complimentary history lesson again!
 

Five hundred years ago, a kingdom called Ludark was in it's peak and ruled by King Orcus, but he got depressed over the loss of his wife and fighting broke out for whatever reason. However, he used the Ultimate Power to make it more preposterous than before, but to obtain that he had to practise a ceremony that lasted up to days, weeks, months at a time, having to lock himself away in the process. He feared he had gained some malicious power deep inside him from this, the power of the ritual consuming his soul and to stop it, sealed it away, along with himself and his castle, which so happens to be buried in the east.

Ihrie believes Galuff knows all about this, though the merchant denies this and claims he merely ran across a map of the castle, and explains that he mentioned this tale so they could help him find it. And since he spent all of his life's savings to buy it...

He needs your monies.

As Fam and Ihrie trek to the castle, Fam asks her bud what she'd do with the Ultimate Power when she gets it, with removing her curse being the primary answer for that. Fam claims she'd use the Ultimate Power to have more spirit, animal and people friends and then build a town for them all to live in happily. Aw.

They arrive at the castle and they begin using the map, taking one step forward...

And springing a trap that causes spears to launch at them. And then more spears. And flames from the wall. And holes in the ground!

Conveniently, they plops them right in front of the treasure room, leaving them only the door to go through! Fam believes it to be some fancy pants legendary monster face BS with three eyes that represent various things, the top one being the truth, so pushing that one causes the floor to give way again. Fam and Ihrie survive by grabbing onto the door and tail, respectively, or else they would've fallen onto spikes!

After pushing the right button, climbing to safety and berating each other, they enter the treasure room. However, before they can snag themselves the treasure, the suits of armour draw steel, demanding to know why they seek it! Ihrie explains this as an "encrypted spell," claiming they need to say the right words or else they'll be slaughtered. She gives it a shot, claiming she is King Orcus and has come to restore his kingdom of Ludark to glory...

But that only makes an axe land right in front of her. After Fam says something totally out of character, she freezes the bad guys in place, though kind of leaving Ihrie to deal with an axe leaning against her, but before they can deal with that, mysterious laughing!

Migel and Rasha, two other ruin explorers, gloat in the doorway as they claim disabling the traps was all too easy for them, with Galuff and Gill popping up between to explain all he needed was two scouts to lead them to the treasure and nothing more! After a bit of banter, they seal the door on the lot of them, hoping to see them again if they make it out alive, and the villainous three head over to the forbidden tower to see what the hoopla is about the Ultimate Power.

They place the treasure, the Proof of Loyalty into the altar and after a demonstration of how untrustworthy these guys are even amongst themselves, the place starts to glow!

Meanwhile, Ihrie decides that kicking the door down is totally futile, and Fam never uses her Wiccan magic for destructive purposes, thus forcing the former to use her own magic, but now without checking how many special tablets they have left.

A female spirit appears before Rasha and company, and begins asking them why they summoned her. They explain the whole wishes granted thing, believing this one treasure to be the Ultimate Power, but the figure explains she is merely the spirit of Lilianna, the Queen of Ludark. She states all she can do is greet and support her king, as she did before her passing, and that the Ultimate Power requires the combined power of three treasures; the Spirit Sword, Sargus, and the Mirror of Truth. Until those are collected, she can do nothing.

More than a little bummed by this, the three exit only to find Fam and Ihrie, sitting atop one of the suits of armour and they'd heard the whole ordeal. They command the armour to attack their enemies, thus resulting in some exchanging of the treasure before falling into Fam's hands, causing the suit of armour to start shaking wildly for whatever reason. Migel is called upon to get the treasure back, and after a fair bit of gloating, destroys the armour in one swipe. He then cuts down Ihrie's top, believing her to be a boy and...

Oops.

"Whoa mama! The boy's a girl!"

This results in a mandatory beat down, naturally.

They don't get far before Rasha conjures up some magic to pin them to the wall with stones, swiping the treasure from them and making an exit with Galuff and Migel in tow. However, they find their horses to be fast asleep outside, and are soon hit with the same spell from a bag belonging to Galuff, who after his own share of mocking and gloating, takes the treasure himself and saunters off.

An explosion erupts at the castle, prompting the merchant to make a getaway while Fam and Ihrie, the latter having had to use magic again, sees what's going on and asks Fam if catching thieving treacherous dickheads is among the uses her magic has. And it does! After a quick recital, a wave of vines and flora burst their way in front of his path, entangling him and his little dog too.

While Fam clubs Migel on the head, Galuff lies that he fled because the others threatened his life, but Ihrie isn't exactly convinced by this and takes the treasure back from him, the merchant claiming he was just keeping it warm for her. And he also returns her money. Everybody wins!

As night breaks through, the two keep trekking on their horses, overjoyed at getting one piece of the Ultimate Power but still a bit bummed there's two more to get, though Fam claims this'll just allow them to have more fun together, never mind that the other guys will still be dogging their treks. Ihrie ruins her fun by saying she won't let her buddy sleep tonight unless she memorises five new spells. Fam calls Ihrie a meanie.

This is the only episode with naked boobies, so you have no reason to see the remaining three episodes. Click here for uncensored images!