RANDOM HOO HAAS .:. General Writings: 12 reasons why Super Mario Land is pretty rad

12 reasons why Super Mario Land is pretty rad

I've had a strange history with this game. I only ever encountered it on multi-carts for many years and had no particular interest for it, most likely due to how my gaming skills were insufficient enough to get past the third world. I eventually beat it, and the mystery was gone. No longer a bizarre, quirky game with erratic jump physics and an unseen goal, I thought I was done with it.

But I still went back to it. I've tried to review it and analyse it, figure out why I enjoy it so much. Is it the short length? Is it the niche factor? One day I hope to figure out for certain why it is so endearing to me, and these twelve reasons are my first steps towards that goal.

Nah, just kidding. The game's as mad as a barrel of beans (and beans in barrels are a very rowdy bunch let me tell you) and I just thought some of things in it were worth waxing stupidity on.

#1 - THE KOOPAS FRIGGIN' EXPLODE
Let's start off with an obvious one. One of the reasons Super Mario Land is still remembered is because how, despite being relatively close to the original Super Mario Bros. in terms of enemies, traps and gimmicks, it's got plenty of weird and wacky deviations. The very first enemies you encounter are Goombas, shortly followed by Koopas. The Goombas still squish, the Koopas still retreat into their shells, and you'd think you can still kick them to earn massive points. Well THINK AGAIN
there was an actual explosion somewhere but i lost it under all my lens flares
YOU PUSHED THIS KOOPA TOO FAR
And they'll keep exploding for the rest of the game. After the initial surprise it's not much of a threat, but the imagery is always hilarious. Also, if you want to be pedantic, they're not actually Koopas, no. They're Nokobons. They're entirely different! And that leads us to...

#2 - THE ENEMIES ARE PRETTY WEIRD

No foolin'. Mind you, we're talking about a series where "regular" enemies are particularly barmy if you view them through the eyes of a rational human being rather than the crusty, acidic, segmented eyes of a gamer, so they're not that weird, only in comparison. I mean, the series is crawling with sentient plants, flying squid and vegetation with eyebrows, but despite that, it's suddenly more bizarre to see Easter Island heads jogging around and Chinese ghosts hopping like goons. It's like the game decided to reel itself back into reality just a little bit, and only made the world more barmy. I think the octopi who house lethal fluorescent guts fit that bill quite nicely.

those pipes actually lead to a slayer concert taking place at a dimensional flux
Also for one level only the Piranha Plants are replaced with giant fucking fists. They should have just called the game Super Mario's Flying Circus.

#3 - THE SUPERBALL
We all love the Fire Flower. It's got the pleasant looks and colourful fashion sense of a flower, but the all-destroying rampaging capabilities of... I don't know, some kind of portable volcano or something.

the world is just asking for mario x superball fan fiction
The Superball is not so cool. It bounces, but not with the same arc and gravity as the Fire Flower, but instead propels into space. One can assume somewhere out there Vic Viper is getting shot in the ass and wondering why the world hates him.
The good thing about the Superball is that it's reasonably more useful indoors (if a little imprecise with the hit detection), and it can pick up coins! Twenty years later and the Fire Flower still can't do that, instead opting for causing enemies to drop coins. Nice try, buster, but IT'S NOT ENOUGH. Come back when a single fireball can make me filthy stinking rich.

#4 - THE STARMAN THEME
The Mario series is full of dinky little tunes that, in the name of bias, are pretty darn catchy. Super Mario Land's tunes are decent, but only a few reach the same level of quality as the original NES trilogy's soundtrack. The 2-1 theme is pretty neat and I'm almost certain it was heavily remixed to make the song for the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 episode "Oh, Brother!", but I can't verify that because I forgot how bad that song is (there's a reason I stopped covering shows with awkward song times on Random Action Hour). But what's amusing is the Starman, rather than reusing its traditional theme music, plays the friggin' Can-Can!

this could have been so less terrible looking

Public domain songs in video games are always a recipe for amusement. It also helps that when I hear the Can-Can, I automatically think of the Bad Manners version, which then also brings to mind the Bad Manners official website.

~~#5 - THE BAD MANNERS OFFICIAL WEBSITE~~
if i haven't said it enough, You Fat Bastard is an underrated classic and everyone should listen to it

Seriously, though, you should check it out.

#5 - MARIO DRIVES A SUBMARINE
i'm not sure how terrible destroying the aquatic ecosystem is when a third of it is composed of skeleton fish, but that's for the lawyers to decide

For reals! Don't forget this was before he ever set foot in a kart, so his choice of starting vehicle was a good one. Submarines are sorely underrated. The two shooting levels are one of those bizarre additions that, frankly, don't add a whole lot, but their mere existence adds a little more intrigue to the game. They're not remarkably inventive or difficult, nor are they really that interesting, but if anything they're probably better coded than the main game. Plus how can I say no to destroying the entire aquatic ecosystem?

#6 - RESCUING DAISY IS HILARIOUS
Daisy's attempt to homage John Carpenter's The Thing was met with mixed reception

Super Mario Bros. gave us "Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle!" Super Mario Land doesn't have anything quite as quotable, but it does have the strangely amusing visage of Mario staring blank as the princess transmogrifies into a horrifying beast and nonchalantly hops slowly off-screen. The only thing it's missing is some unfitting music.

7: THE BONUS GAME
It seems customary for Mario games to offer some chance of getting points, lives, items or other fun rewards after completing a level - Super Mario Bros. 2 had the slot machine, SMB3 with its item cards, and so on. The first Super Mario Bros. didn't really offer anything for hitting the top of the flag pole besides some points (apparently there's a chance of an extra life for landing on the very top but good luck doing that without a pact with the devil, son), and that's a small field where Land clearly outshines it. Rather than a flag, you just get a big ol' wall with two doors. The bottom door can just be walked straight into and takes you to the next level - a no-frills affair, your common or garden everyday doorway. But the top door... ooh, the top door!

the day the y axis became royally fucked

It is a magical land of bonuses, treats and frenetic music! There's no risk of losing it at all, as either you gain an extra life or you acquire a Superball; the latter isn't too desirable in comparison, but given how the NES game would just throw 8000 meaningless points your way for demonstrating your leaping skills, it's a fair trade. The sequel would drop the lives in favour of power-ups, what with how it actually had more than one upgrade to offer Mario this time, but without lives, why bother? WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT

8: THE PAUSE GRAPHIC HAS HEARTS NEXT TO IT
fact: Luther Vandross orchestrated his makeout sessions between bouts of Super Mario Land

I like them. I think it's a cute touch, like the game genuinely cares that sometimes in life you just have to pause and take five. It's like the game is rubbing your hair and softly crooning in your ear, "don't worry, baby; take all the time you need" in Barry White's soothing voice.

9: THAT UFO IN WORLD 2-1 AND 2-2
we all know it's actually Stanley the bugman driving that thing

So, Mario travels through some sandy plains in the first world before entering a pyramid, and defeats a fire-breathing lion. In what appears to be a vague attempt at continuity, it's implied he reaches the second world...
... by being dropped off from a UFO.
Seriously, what the hell? Where did it come from? What is it doing there? Where in the world is an explanation for this?
In 2-3 the UFO reappears in the background, apparently as a sunken wreck (it's not actually shown to be damaged, but who's going to park on a bloody sea bed?) and is never seen again. Did Mario hijack the lion's UFO and then ditch it once it outlasted its usefulness? Are pyramids good places for hitching rides with extraterrestrials? Who knows, and who cares?

10: MULTIPLE BOSSES
The first Super Mario Bros. had a fair roster of enemies, but Bowser was the only boss you encountered in each castle. Yes, it turned out to be an enemy in disguise if you defeated them with a Fire Flower, but it was still Bowser each and every time, and the only real change was how many axes he threw. Mind you, he was still a reasonably challenging boss because of how the arena was made to your disadvantage, but still.

get this guy some pepto bizmol! poor tatanga wasn't cool enough for the two-frames-of-animation club :(
Super Mario Land will not stand for such blatant recycling! Every world now has a unique boss with a totally unique way of fighting! ... okay, that's blatant lies. Yes, they do fight slightly differently, but at the end of the day it basically revolves around moving up and down and shooting something at you periodically (with the sole deviation being the boss of world 3-4, who tosses boulders in your face). Super Mario Bros. 2 had a better offering than that. Still, have to give it credit for something.

11: THE MARIO SPRITE IS KINDA CUTE
Now we're just entering complete bias territory.
I don't know why I like it. I've a strange fondness for particular kinds of graphics, most notably Virtua Fighter's blocky blocky graphics, and I guess lo-res itty-bitty sprites are also among those interests. I mean, it's not that incredible a sprite. The original Super Mario Bros. graphics are probably more endearing and better drawn, but... I have a vaguely defined fondness for it, I guess.

by jove, margaret, i've cacked my pants!
It might be the death sprite. His limbs are splayed out in a representation of 8-bit death, but he's still got a very inexpressive face, as if he's just nonchalantly muttering to himself, "oh no, not again" as he falls off the edge of the earth.

12: THE ENDING
The NES trilogy were all fine games, but personally, I thought they were a little lacking in the ending department. The original merely has a screen of text, looping music and an offer to play again on a harder difficulty, which is all fine and well back in the days when banging rocks together was seen as a valid art medium, but not so much after we invented fire.

if this shuttle goes under 50 miles per hour ANOTHER MARIO PARTY IS RELEASED

Mario Land's ending is barely any more detailed than any of the NES endings, yet there's something about it that just strikes me as magical and whimsical. Maybe it's the fact Mario and Daisy ride into the sunset on a friggin' space shuttle (where on earth does a plumber get such wonderful tools?), but I think it's all because of the music. It's probably not presented in the best manner due to the limited sound capabilities of the Game Boy, but it's a serene song with a vaguely defined hint of nostalgia about it. After a rather chaotic final fight where Mario blows up the sky, it comes as a fitting contrast and works beautifully with the imagery. It's not a very involved ending, but it's worth the twenty minutes it takes to beat the game just for that song.

And there we are. Let's be honest, the game is not as wickedly insane as it could be, nor is it difficult or challenging as it could set out to be, but for those reasons that's why I like it. For whatever reasons runners-up are always appealing to me, and Super Mario Land is just one of many. A runner-up with exploding lethal octopus guts.