The Empire of the Star Wars series is a formidable force, to put it lightly. I could needlessly pad things out and make a list, but not only would that require doing some research on the Star Wars Wiki (which has a page on crowbars, I shit you not), but really, they blew up a planet. If not several planets. That's really as sinister as it gets. For instance, take Earth. Take Earth and its billions upon billions of people, living and dead, the history and culture of the world and all of its natural wonders. And then blow that up. Perhaps even blow it up several times. It might even be worse than blowing up the universe, because at least if you blow up a planet there's still people alive to grieve over it.

However, while blowing up a planet is pretty nasty and unforgivable, it somehow doesn't give them a consistently sinister image. For every instance of blowing up a planet, there's fifty instances of the Stormtroopers bumping into doorways, falling over cliffs or being killed by Ewoks.


Oh yes, the famous Ewok disaster. The Empire send what are said to be their best troopers there, armed with AT-STs and speeder bikes, the former of which were a great help in their victory on Hoth. It might not have been the most stable environment for those vehicles, but they managed to shoot Leia in the arm. Sure, she was good as new after two minutes of dramatic love talk with Han Solo, but that's the closest the Stormtroopers themselves have come to a victory, since everything else they've done has required humongous pieces of star-destroying machinery. That and the relatively small Rebel force to contend with, this should've been a victory in the making.

And then the Ewoks showed up.

Armed with bows, logs, traps and goddamned pebbles, they managed to destroy the Stormtrooper force in a remarkable demonstration of absurdity. That was the only input the Ewoks had on the destruction of the Empire, but it was still a fairly substantial one.


But... what if an Ewok had been taken to the Death Star?

This isn't where fanfiction steps in to provide an answer. We already have an answer.



Super Return of the Jedi is just like the rest of the games in the series - hard as hell, and you can only use certain characters in certain levels. Thus, Wicket is the sole choice in the Ewok Village stages, and after that, it's back to the usual selection of Luke, Chewbacca and Leia.

Wicket is limited to blowing up only bizarre creatures, giant dragonflies, and the occasional Stormtrooper, but even his simple arrows can pack quite a wallop, blowing up everything in just a couple of shots. Considering he's your only choice, it'd be hard to get a better deal - he's a small target, can double-jump all around the scenery, fire his arrows for massive damage, and even use them as springboards if they stick in something. You could hardly ask for more. The only downside is, of course, you can't use him in any other level.

That's where cheats come in!

Super Return of the Jedi has some kind of super-cheat that allows you to skip levels with the press of two buttons, and allows you to use any character in any level, including all three versions of Princess Leia! Yes, that means you can take the triple-jumping slave dress Leia anywhere in the game, even aboard the Death Star. She doesn't have a projectile, but the distraction alone will probably help. The code goes like so:

On the title screen, get the second controller and hold the L and R buttons.

On the first controller, press A, A, B, B, X, X, Y, Y, A, B, X, Y, A, B, X, Y.

Wicket will exclaim "yeehaa!" if you made the input correctly.


And with that, you can set about rocking the world. If you're too lazy for passwords, you can just hold L and R on the second controller during a platformer stage to access the level warp, or press B + Select on the first controller to jump to the next level!

So much choice! With Luke, Han, Chewie, Wicket and three incarnations of Leia, you've got seven characters to play around with. Fun times all around. But this is all besides the true discussion here:

Can Wicket take on the Death Star?


You better believe, it bitch.


Not even the totally protective Stormtrooper armour is shielded from the force of Wicket's arrows!


Wicket laughs at your expensive array of gun turrets!

Notably, Chewbacca needs five shots of his blaster to kill one Stormtrooper, and even Luke needs two swipes of his lightsaber to finish the job. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a bow and arrow at your side, it seems.

But these are mere pawns in the scheme of larger things. How would Wicket against, say... Emperor Palpatine?


Emperor Palpatine is a fearsome foe. Unlike in the movies where he barely moved from his chair, Palpatine flies all over the place like Peter Pan on steroids, flinging Force lightning hither and thither, taking off a considerable chunk of your health bar with each blast. Only Luke is allowed to face him, as per the film, but with 15 points of health and the fact it takes two to three swipes to even remove half a point, it can be a long and perilous slog.


As for Wicket?


Did you see that?


One arrow removed half a point.


Goddamn, man. All Wicket needs is thirty arrows and good enough aim not to waste them, and the Emperor is dead as toast. Good thing Wicket has infinite arrows, eh?


Look at that! Since the Emperor doesn't deal damage on colliding with you, you can very well place Wicket right behind him and just fire upwards, and since Palpatine will only fire outwards, Wicket will be mostly unharmed.


Heck, if I'm not being careless by trying to make good screenshots, I can kill him without getting hurt at all.

Think about this. A naive, young Ewok, armed with projectile pointy sticks, manages to defeat a powerful user of the Force that required the work of both father and son Skywalker to topple. Dayum.




However, as surprising a victory that is, let's make some digs at Wicket's success. Palpatine's an old man, and his only weapon is the dark side of the Force; he didn't have a lightsaber. He's very powerful, but he still has limitation. What would happen if our favourite Ewok faced Darth Vader, who is not only younger and more mobile, but is armed with fearsome duelling skills? How would Wicket fare in a situation like that?



Quite embarrassingly.



Dude! Wicket killed Emperor Palpatine!


That, I say, needs recognition.



The deadliest force in the galaxy.

(for reals)