Othello is terrible

I like board games. Admittedly, I don't play a lot of them, and mostly only play Chess, Cluedo and Tabula, but if anything, they're miles more fun than Metal Slug Advance. And for understandable reasons, board games made into video games are always rather crap. Often it's because they're made for handhelds that require another copy of the godforsaken game or a link lead or something just to have a two-player game, like they should be played; but sometimes it's just because the game itself is a heaping pile of steaming excrement in original format.

That's a metaphor. The Othello board isn't actually that much of an eyesore!

Rather ashamedly, I was introduced to this game through one of the many multi-carts I have for the Game Boy. I say ashamedly because it shows that I'm a cultural philistine, and for all I know, I was probably funding a man's drug addiction with all the multi-carts I bought in Spain. On the bright side, it introduced me to a bunch of wacky-ass games I'd never have played otherwise, the sellers encouraged you to haggle their prices down to nothing, which also meant I got another Game Boy Advance with one of them. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me!

So Othello. In the board games listed above, you can be rolling all high and mighty for a long time, and then suddenly fall to the lowest ranking possible, which is pretty terrible but at least you're high and mighty for a while. Othello never lets you feel good about yourself. You could get a large number of your opponent's tiles taken over, and you can't even feel proud of your minor achievement because every one of your tiles are taken over in response. If you want your child to live a life of shattered dreams and empty desires, Othello is perfect.

The Game Boy version hides the games bastardliness underneath a title screen that is awesome. Those guys just pace back and forth forever and ever to a rockin' little tune. If the game involved those guys and making them move in time to the music, this could've been the best game ever. Definite proof that artistic license can sometimes improve upon its source material.

See, even if the producers had to abide the contract to make Othello, they could've at least snuck in my idea as a mini-game. This is the only menu in the game, and it's a depressing one, for the reasons I will show you.

Playing Othello is terrible. In Chess you can tease the other player with your moves, you can drag people away from their destination in Cluedo, and you can continuously kill enemy units in Tabula. But Othello? Not cool at all. You had the chance to play as a crazy bald guy or a smarmy-looking woman, which wouldn't improve your skills at all but at least make you feel better because you're playing as a crazy bald guy or a smarmy-looking woman. But no. You're forced to play as a stickman with the stupidest face ever who never stops smiling. There ain't no justice.

At least you can enter a six letter name. P.I.M.P. lives!

And now the fun begins (after setting a time limit and whether or not to play music)! Since both sides are even, things could possibly be in my favour. Right?

Yeah, I could be on a winning streak!

I'm on a roll!

Shitty carbuncle.

WHAAAT

Note how your avatar, even though he's kind of completely screwed in this situation, he still smiles and winks while waiting for you to make your move. This game is made of hate.

Case in point: I get a semi-decent move (well, for the status I'm in)...

...only to have it taken over and I'm in a worse situation than before.

Two minutes into the game, and already there's no reason to go on. Every good move I make is promptly thwarted by my baseball cap wearing nemesis.

Things pick up in my favour thanks to the limited space to attack in, but not to the extent I want. I still fail pretty miserably and my day is ruined.

And no, I have played Othello against another player (in New Super Mario Bros. of all things!) and it's still a terrible game. I did win, but Steve was just a bit pissed at how one-sided the whole game is, and it's difficult to enjoy your victory when it's in your favour all the way through. It's not a game where pissing people off is just something fun to do when you're bored or want to lighten the mood; it's built specifically for pissing people off. And for that reason, I think the world would be a better place if it never existed.

And to end this, one of the reasons Cluedo is superior is not only because it's actually fun, but you can quote from Father Ted as one of your suggestions.

"I think it was... the Reverend Green... with the knife... in the drawing room.

"Ha, those Protestants, up to no good as usual!"

I'm amused too easily. :{

BONSU!!!

XFactorInfinity made this remix of the game's theme, which is really little more than the original with really loud extras added onto it. It also gives me a headache. Check it out!