Buried Treasure

4/5

A pretty simple game, but when everyone knows where it is things really get going. There's also additional fun to be had on the instruction screen making your character looking like they're breathing dirt.

Treasure Divers

4/5

There are two kinds of players in this game: Greedy bastards who take the biggest loot and usually get beaten up by Bloopers and sharks; and those who take all the small/crappy chests and work their way up from there. While that's obviously the less stupid route, nobody wants to be tactical, they just want to be filthy stinking rich. I can't blame them.

Hot Bob-omb

3/5

Also called The Game Where Everyone Decides Who They Like The Least. Secretly team up with two other guys and keep throwing the Bob-omb to that one person. If you happen to be the least liked person, get some bribes prepared.

Musical Mushroom

3/5

Despite the fact you're given the ability to punch and flatten other players, I don't know anyone who actually uses them. Everyone just runs straight to the chest and nabs it for themselves, and only then is it logical to use them. Except someone usually sneaks in and pinches the chest for themself.

Crazy Cutter

4/5

The most unbalanced game ever. While everyone laughs at the guy who somehow made a Picasso out of a Boo, that person usually ends up winning despite the fact everyone else actually has eyesight and made effort in cutting it out. Fricking percentage scores.

Face Lift

5/5

Slightly less unbalanced; you have to disfigure poor Bowser's face so it looks like the face the computer gives you. All kinds of opportunities to make the Koopa king look like ugly celebrities!

Balloon Burst

1/5

We originally hated this one because you have to tap two buttons but also kind of hold them, which was JUST TOO MUCH for our undeveloped minds. Now that we actually know how to work the game, it's really, really dull.

Coin Block Blitz

2/5

A poor man's version of the 1-on-3 game, Coin Block Bash, you just hit blocks to get coins. The only interest comes when there's only one block left and everyone flattens each other to get it. If the next block came down only after the first one had been destroyed it would've been better.

Skateboard Scamper

4/5

The obstacle avoiding part is great because we can all laugh at whoever didn't jump over the Thwomp, but when it comes to crossing the finish line it's nothing but shouting. You just can't tell who'll win because you can't go past a certain distance. So unbalanced. >:U

Box Mountain Mayhem

2/5

Boring. Punch blocks and occasionally get whisked away from the mountain to run back again. Needs more violence against other players.

Platform Peril

3/5

The most disturbing thing about this one is the fact it's tons more fun if you play like a suicidal maniac. As in, obstructing the way of other players so they fumble and fall off and die. Otherwise, if you play fair, it's incredibly mundane. Aside from the whole everyone-but-the-winner-dies part.

Mushroom Mix-Up

5/5

Brilliance. The wonderful thing about this game is the fact the ground pound is both a blessing and a curse, as it can stun other players long enough for them to be nabbed by the Blooper, but the recoil can also fling you into the water. So being a dickhead will get you your just deserts.

Grab Bag

4/5

There's something hilariously dirty about this one. To steal from the other players' bags, you grab them by the back and both of you tug and pull and shake violently before money is exchanged. So it looks like Mario is violently raping Yoshi and taking his money. Erm.

Bumper Balls

4/5

Also known as The Perfect Opportunity To Get Two Kills At Once. While two people are fighting, just ram into them and hopefully both will fall off. And then just bribe the other guy to fall off to save you the effort.

Tipsy Tourney

1/5

Admittedly not that bad, but there are ones that are so much more interesting and also involve killing your friends.

Bombs Away

2/5

You'd think a game involving four people on a tilted piece of land with a pirate ship firing cannon balls at them would be exciting. It is mildly, but the most you can do to harm other players is to jump on them. No pushing or shoving involved. :{

Mario Bandstand

5/5

Also known as Let's Laugh At Everyone's Lack Of Hand-Eye Coordination/Music Talent, where what would be a fine piece of music is hindered by the fact that no matter how well everyone plays, it still manages to sound like cats being run over. Coming out of a Tiger handheld.

Shy Guy Says

3/5

Raise the flags that pirate Shy Guy tells you to, who despite his name, has no problem being a bastard and raising two flags at once to throw you off. Great fun when the speed rises fifty five miles.

Cast Aways

1/5

It doesn't involve killing people, nor does it take consideration of your control stick's well being. I prefer games that realise that Nintendo's joysticks are really rather crap and have a habit of crapping up and then being used only for multi-player games for the guy you're not fond of.

Key-pa-Way

5/5

While I may enjoy the "death to those you've known for a few years and get along well with" mini-games, I quite like the co-operative ones as well. Except the problem is I usually stomp on the key carrier and open the safe for myself. And end up letting the Koopas get it. I'm greedy. :{

Running of the Bulb

5/5

Oh man oh man best 4-Player mini-game ever. It's the closest the Mario series ever gets to Resident Evil, with dank passages and Boos who possess you. Considering Nintendo only seem to make proper games once every century they should totally make a full game out of this.

Hot Rope Jump

2/5

Every mini-game compilation has to have a skipping rope game, and this is precisely that with no gimmicks. The problem is, it ends before it gets hectic enough. Twenty jumps, with things only heating up (lol pun) on the last three or five turns. Lame.

Hammer Drop

2/5

Pretty meh. While it is rather devious how the five coin rewards are thrown near the edges, it's otherwise just a boring thirty seconds. Could've done with a couple of Spinys roaming around the platform. Also, what's a Hammer Bro. doing in Lakitu's cloud?

Slot Car Derby 1

1/5

We utterly despised this, because we didn't know what to do and kept spinning out, and this further aggravated us because it was the most common game on the roulette. Now that we know what to do, it's still not any fun.

Slot Car Derby 2

1/5

But despite the whole "this mini-game sucks major vacuumage", they made a second one. Thanks a bundle.

Pipe Maze

1/5

One player chooses a pipe for cash to go down while the others just sit there wistfully. Boring.

Bash 'n' Cash

3/5

You'd think someone with Bowser's body would be a threat, but the most they can do is bounce on peoples' heads. They can't fling hammers or breathe fire, so therefore it's a pretty one sided fight. A game that's sure to make someone pissy for the rest of the day.

Bowl Over

3/5

A pretty decent one that's not quite as obnoxious on the "haha I'm totally stripping you of your cash" factor. The thing that puzzles me most is, why is the bowling alley set inside a cathedral?

Coin Block Bash

5/5

The best 3-on-1 game ever. One player has the almighty hammer, which can smash blocks in one hit and send other players sailing, while everyone else just has to break blocks the traditional/uncool way. If this were the only 3-on-1 game, I wouldn't be complaining at all.

TightRope Treachery

1/5

Dull dull dull. Why are they firing cannon balls at a tightrope? Wouldn't a spear make more sense? Sure, Nintendo probably wouldn't like their characters being impaled, but they apparently have no problem throwing down pits, into lava, on spikes, being squashed, eaten and so on. Not to mention that it's impossible to knock a CPU off course, and the losers have five coins subtracted. Lame.

Crane Game

1/5

Nobody likes the Crane Game. Even the person stealing half of another player's money doesn't like it. Who likes the Crane Game? No one. If you say you do then you're lying.

Piranha's Pursuit

4/5

Now this is a good one. One player skateboarding away from a mutant Piranha Plant while the others ground pound rain out of a cloud to make the plant grow? Brilliant.

Tug o' War

1/5

Another example of both Bowser's body being utterly pointless, Nintendo having no courtesy for their characters, and more mistreatment of the control stick. Not fun.

Paddle Battle

3/5

Among the least obnoxious uses of spinning the control stick, just a good, ol' fashioned "one guy on side and three on the other" paddle boat trek. Fun times!

Coin Shower Flower

4/5

I give this a 4/5 only if you're the guy on the flower, as you can easily get all the coins yourself with only a scant few landing on the others. If you're in the boat, well, have fun reading a book for thirty seconds.

Bobsled Run

4/5

It's like the sliding parts in Super Mario 64, except with two teams and you're in bobsleds! Really quite fun, although naturally the turning is a bit crap and they don't maintain quite the sensation of speed. But still.

Desert Dash

1/5

So what does the desert setting have to do with what is essentially a three-legged race? And what does the word "dash" have to do with the mini-game?

Bombsketball

3/5

A decent game that's hindered by the fact you just can't play against the computer, as they spend more time running in circles than trying to intercept you. But with real people it's pretty fun!

Handcar Havoc

2/5

Another racing one, and although this has a better sensation of speed, it's pretty crap. I like to have scenery and the ability to move around, plz and thx.

Deep Sea Divers

4/5

One of the better 2-on-2 games, although there's still the persistent control stick abuse. It makes sense considering the content, but honestly, couldn't they just alternate buttons or something?

Memory Match

1/5

I'm simply not a big fan of matching games, especially when you're on a time limit or given penalties for screwing up. Plus it takes forever for your character to walk again after a ground pound.

Slot Machine

1/5

Slot machines are rather shit as well.

Shell Game

1/5

This one would be more tolerable if it didn't take years off my life just for the Koopas to spin around a lot.

Ghost Guess

3/5

Odd one out games aren't my specialty either, but this one is an exception because it's fairly simple to find which Boo it is.

Pedal Power

1/5

More crappy control stick abuse.

Whack-a-Plant

4/5

Now this is a good one. Nothing better than squashing Piranha Plants, even thought that isn't possible in the games without the Tanooki Suit.

Ground Pound

1/5

Boring, but I've got to admit it does look incredibly painful. I mean, ground pounding onto a giant wooden stake. Ouch.

Teetering Towers

1/5

What would otherwise be simple is hindered by the crappy camera and jumping physics.

Knock Block Tower

2/5

So ridiculously easy it's not funny. But 2 out of 5 because it's easy.

Limbo Dance

1/5

I don't mind limbo dancing but this is just embarrassing. Since when does limbo involving hopping, and then falling on your bum and flailing like a hungry infant when you bump into a bar? NEVER. That's when.

Bumper Ball Maze 1

3/5

Actually rather fun. A bit. In comparison to the crapfest that is the rest of the 1-Player mini-games.

Bumper Ball Maze 2

3/5

Same deal here.

Bumper Ball Maze 3

3/5

Ditto.