HALO SUX LOL

The set-up

<Ragey> eyyy

<Galvatron> helklo

<Ragey> What's up?

<Galvatron> I was playing Halo but it became a snipers only game so no wai

<Ragey> laaaaame

<Galvatron> Yes

<Ragey> Coincidentally I was browsing through my game reviews for something to review and thought maybe it'd be time to review Halo, what with the fact I've played it god knows how many times and ranted about every single factor of it.
 

<Galvatron> Halo sucks and the PC port sucks even more
 

<Galvatron> It's only good on Xbox when you play against people who are worse than you.
 

<Ragey> Best review ever.
 

<Galvatron> We should just do one of those rant things we did together for it like we did on Metal Slug
 

<Ragey> Yeah, I think we toyed with a idea a while back, but as usual, I don't think we ever went anywhere with it.
 

<Galvatron> we could start now!
 

<Ragey> Yes!
 

Getting started

<Galvatron> I first played Halo at a friend's house a few years a go on his then newly bought Xbox, and I did actually like it, especially the co-op mode and the fact that I was better than my friend in Slayer.
 

<Ragey> I was first treated to Halo when my brother bought it for the PC, and I lynched it off him with a wonky no-CD patch that restricted me to an outdated server, meaning we couldn't fight each other, and he stopped playing the game when I finally bought it myself. I did get to play Halo 2 a year or two later on a friend's Xbox and play the co-operative mode, and it's a crying shame that they cut it out from the PC port.
 

<Galvatron> Well I got the PC version in January 2006 and it was new and exciting! Being able to play online with you and tons of people to play at once! Sorted!
 

A mediocre map.

<Ragey> Come to think of it, I think Halo was the very first FPS game I played online!
 

<Ragey> I did play Quake 3 with some friends months later but it didn't even compare. I mean, rail guns! And the characters moved at ridiculous speeds! Psh!
 

<Galvatron> I played Quake II and some others online before Halo. But Halo has cars and stuff so automatic win. But I'm not sure where PC Halo officially turned "shit", maybe it was several months after playing it online for the first time.
 

<Ragey> I think the fact it was a fairly new and exciting experience for both of us that delayed the "souring", for lack of a better term. Crappifying would probably be more fitting but I'm trying to be professional here.
 

<Galvatron> In fact lets just list all the things wrong with Halo. In turns!
 

<Ragey> Sounds like a plan!
 

1) NO CO-OPERATIVE

<Galvatron> What the heck were they thinking I mean it's one of the good things about Halo on the Xbox, and so they got rid of it for the PC port. WHERE'S THE JUSTICE?
 

<Ragey> I guess it's more the fact that in the main game there are events like cutscenes and whatnot, and having lag mess up those could prove fatal or something. But why they couldn't even have LAN or two people on one machine (gamepads fo sho) is beyond me.
 

<Ragey> And this is a bit unfair since I haven't played the Xbox version, but

2) NEW ADDITIONS SUCK

<Ragey> For what I know, the fuel rod cannon, flame thrower, banshee and Ice Fields are all new additions for the PC version. And they all make the game rather crap. The flame thrower is overpowered, the fuel rod is just plain cheap, but Ice Fields is an awesome map.
 

<Ragey> But whatever other maps they added are pretty awful. Death Island, Sidewinder, Blood Gulch and the aforementioned are the only great ones, really.
 

A map that's almost actually slightly better, but is also pretty mediocre.

<Galvatron> Oh yeah. The fuel rod was the biggest mistake in the entire game. It's the stupidest, most poorly implemented weapon I've ever seen. There is nothing worse than just having some guy and his chum blast you with fuel rods for about 5 minutes whilst you keep respawning.
 

<Galvatron> Of course I don't mind using them against others, but still. Same deal with the flame thrower.
 

<Galvatron> As for the new maps I do like some of them like Icefields and Danger Canyon but that map which is gigantic and I can never remember the name of wasn't a good idea.
 

<Ragey> The problem with the flame thrower is that you can't really put it out. You could be down to one health and walking along and then whoops! You drop dead because your toe was aflame or something, even though it was only doing damage every minute or whatever. And I think the map you're thinking of is Infinity or something among those lines. If they axed out a lot of the paths to the middle part it could've been semi-decent.
 

<Galvatron> Oh, and before we move off the subject of weapons, we'd better talk about the sniper rifle and take the piss out of people who use them frequently.
 

3) SNIPER RIFLES

<Ragey> Oh yes! See, weapons that kill you in one hit and zoom all over the place are rather shitterific. Rail gun in Quake 3, as another example. Not cool.
 

<Ragey> uh
 

<Ragey> that's all I got on the snipers.
 

<Ragey> Also about your respawning and fuel rod topic, I feel that causes another problem.

4) RESPAWNING

<Ragey> Some games give you temporary invincibility when respawning, but Halo just lets you get killed immediately again. There are so many times when enemies swarm the base and kill you and you can't do a damn thing about it.
 

<Galvatron> I hate the fact that there's a bunch of bastards out there who can nail anyone and everyone in the head and kill you in one shot for a stupid range, and when you try to use one it never shoots right and misses completely.
 

<Galvatron> Nothing is worse than respwaning and getting run over by a car straight away.
 

I CAN'T SEE SHIT

<Ragey> It's worse with a sniper rifle because seriously you can't kill those guys on respawning. With a car you can grenade them out.
 

<Galvatron> Also can I just say being killed by a car nudging you at 2 mph = stupid
 

<Ragey> Halo 2 was good in making it so the ghost can't kill a person with ramming until they put on the boosters.
 

<Galvatron> And on the topic of vehicles, I think we need to mention the Banshee.
 

<Ragey> Of course.

5) GODDAMNED BANSHEES
 

<Galvatron> I mean it was OK to use in single player mode. No problems there. But adding them to the PC's multi player mode was moronic, and fighting them on foot is just a total pain.
 

<Ragey> Fighting them with anything is a total pain. You're defenceless on foot unless they're stupid enough to ram into the ground and give you a chance to use your sticky grenades; they're okay to fight in the gun turret car until they flip it over and squash everyone, it's monotonous shooting at them in a ghost, the tanks are giant targets, and banshee vs. banshee fights are the most boring things ever. Circling and circling and circling! If you try to break from that cycle then YOU WILL DIE
 

<Ragey> Banshee users claim that killing them if easy because you can use a tank or a sticky grenade, but the thing is, banshees can just fly into the sky until their shield refills and swoop back down again if they're risky enough, or they can be cowardly shits and just hang in the sky and pelt you with missiles. And considering the tank is a slow sack of shit and the banshee bullets paralyse you it's not like you can really fight back.
 

<Galvatron> And the amount of lag in the PC multi player just makes everything worse, to unplayable levels even. Even shooting things right in front of you is now impossible!
 

<Ragey> People criticize you for grenade spamming, but most of the time it's the only way you can fight with severe lag. And come on, if you're give only an alien pistol and infinite grenades, what would you go with?
 

<Ragey> It doesn't help that a lot of the areas just aren't built for lag, especially the base in Blood Gulch. You wouldn't believe how many times I got stuck in a base for ten minutes because of those narrow doorways.
 

<Ragey> If there's one good thing to say about the lag, it's that when it's severe but not to an unplayable extent, it makes you just about unstoppable in a car.
 

<Galvatron> They really should have put a lot more effort into making the multi player online modes work given that it's the main extra over the Xbox version.

<Ragey> The fact that the online multi-player was the main draw and they cocked it up considerably is astounding.

CERAMIC ARMS

<Galvatron> Well I think we managed to rip this shit out of that one quite well. And if any fan boy is reading this: HALO SUX LOL

<Ragey> SHOCK TROOPERS 2ND SQUAD IS SUPERIOR AND SHOULD GET REMADE INTO A SUPER DUPER THREE HUNDRED PLAYER ONLINE GAME

<Galvatron> Right, I think that'll do.

And somehow, despite our constant rantings about every flaw in the game, we continue to play.

One could say that goes to show that it has an irresistible charm about it, but I say it's just really fun being stupid and jumping in front of ally-driven cars until they get banned for betrayal.

But for reals, Shock Troopers: 2nd Squad is awesome. Especially the ending theme. Screw Halo and its fancy pants orchestra, "GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP GET DOWN" is musical genius.