Welcome to the dead place
I had a dream.
A dream of a wonder game console.
One that would support every console available, feature online multi-player, and a controller made of rubber so it could TRANSFORM into whatever fitted the game best.
I didn't say it was a realistic dream, so cut me some slack.
The closest I could ever get to such a wondrous invention was through emulation, which was indeed wondrous, but it's not exactly fun playing Mega Man on a keyboard or with a crappy monitor. I had previously attempted to get a Mega Drive emulator running on the Dreamcast after our real one sadly departed, but didn't have much luck. The internet is meant to be the information super highway, for Christ's sake, and I couldn't find out the problem I was having!
And so, whenever thinking of getting either a PlayStation 2 or an Xbox, this thought lingered in my mind. The Xbox could emulate the original PlayStation! But the PS2 could emulate the BBC Micro! Xbox had Ninja Gaiden, but PS2 had Shinobi! WHAT DO I CHOOSE!?
I went with the PS2. It meant I could replace my original PlayStation, and also didn't require me to buy new controllers!
The package that got away with MURDER
got it, I enjoyed it, I bitched about its flaws, but it was only two months
later that I gave the emulation a shot. I got Swap Magic, its little card thing,
and the determination to GET IT ON.
The first part was relatively simple, just removing the cover of the disc tray. Easy as goblin pie, so therefore the rest should be a kobold cakewalk!
I insert the Slide Tool, following the instructions, and proceed to NOT GRAB A THING.
I try it again. No dice. And again. And again!
So someone else gives it a shot and proceeds to do it in one try. See, my guide didn't tell me that you actually need to turn the card. I thought it was like putting your card into the cash machine to extract your monies. They're both technology!
So after struggling with the instructions for twenty minutes, in goes my burned SEGA Ages 2500 Vol. 23: SEGA Memorial Selection disc and I'll soon be living a life of an emulation king!
But wait, there's a step 4 that involves the Slide Tool again to move it to the left, while I just went ahead and started the loading. D'oh.
It was Swap Magic, in the bedroom, with the SEVERE SCREWING UP OF MY DISC DRIVE
After repeating everything again, turns out I burned the file incorrectly. On one hand, it's a total waste of time, but at least the thing works!
While I tried burning it on another disc with different options, I tinkered with
opening and closing the tray with the Slide Tool to get the hang of it, only for
I'm not quite sure what exactly started it, but the tray wouldn't come out. I could tug and pull with the Swap Tool to no success, and press the eject button to no avail. Desperate measures were required.
So the pliers were busted out.
And then the keys and the knives and the thirty centimetre rulers.
After another twenty or so minutes, I did manage to get it out, but not all the way, nor could it go back in. I could get the disc in and out, but couldn't get it read.
If you can see through the hideous blur and blending in with the table its on,
you can see the disk tray hanging out like a dead man's tongue.
Just a little bit fuxxored, one might say if they had no idea how stupid that sounds.
I did get a new Slimline one with two controllers, but it's not exactly the most pleasant thing in the world replacing something that isn't exactly broken. I mean, the disc tray was buggered to high hell, and those pliers left more marks than they should've, but the thing still worked, albeit without the ability to actually play anything. Sort of like the time my N64 stopped working, only to find out a lead was missing or busted or something.
I suppose I can look at this as a harsh lesson that sticking things inside consoles to mess around with disc drives in an attempt to get away with video game thievery will only end in tears. Well, it would if I got distraught over such trivial nonsense. I still have a roof over my head!
Before I leave, Waluigi has a very important message for us all that I feel adds comfort to my loss.
Here's the commercial I got the stupid title from, and a blog entry I wrote mere hours before I actually bought the Swap Magic that doomed my PS2 to certain death.
Why can't I simply buy Swap Magic with a Slide Tool in peace? =(
See, I hate buying stuff from places that aren't Amazon or eBay, as it usually requires me to make an account I'll use only once and then promptly ignore the site for the rest of eternity. My Hori Digital Controller was bought off some really obscure site that featured a ridiculously long ordering procedure, and in the end I'm not even sure I was charged for it. Which would be good, but I don't know if the place still exists, and it took forever to arrive, so yeah.
I've had my eye on the Swap Magic at Game World Direct, which is seemingly going for cheaper than at eBay, but I've checked the entire frigging site and it doesn't mention postage and packaging price at all. I presume it'll only say whenever I register, and then it'll likely be something ridiculous, meaning registering was a waste of time. Of course, I can't actually be certain about this assumption until I register, but it's obscure! Swap Magic is all I'd want from it! Why bother?
And then I tried eBay, which has had more Swap Magics popping up, but apparently eBay is cracking down on it and removing the listings, even though it doesn't void your warranty or any of that legal cobblers. Just when an auction starts to reach the end, BAM BITCH, listing does not exist. I thought I could play it safe by using Buy It Now on one going for £21.50, but apparently not, they said the listing is removed and I should ask for a refund. And despite this, they haven't removed the seller's other two copies of Swap Magic. I SMELL PREJUDICE
One could suggest getting a mod chip would be simpler, but seriously, who sells those on eBay? It'd mean searching even more obscure sites I'd never use at all afterwards, and would also require knowing how to solder crap together. Which I don't. =(
I would end this with "eBay sucks", but it's actually a pretty rad place. It's just a son of a bitch sometimes.