[translated by: Ragey]
（ Year 1989 Arcade Capcom ）
Wasn't this the most exhilarating game ever?
Stomping out an evil organisation with no weapons but fists,
Three men facing an army of foes boasting quick reflexes and formidable strength・・・
The thrilling sensation of playing
what is certainly the most stressful game ever!
The story begins in Metro City.
In Metro City, Haggar is inaugurated as mayor. The no-good gang Mad Gear turned it into a run-down city、
and it was hardly the place where a person could live in in peace. A land where no crime was off-limits.
Neighbouring towns gave it the dishonourable label 「Super crime city」, a title it could not live down.
One day, Mayor Mike Haggar received a telephone call of unknown origin.
The call was from the heinous group Mad Gear.
On the TV screen was what appeared to be Jessica, Haggar's only daughter...
Her father is a grim-looking man, but she is a beautiful woman, don't you think?
In the SFC version Jessica's outfit was modified.
Less boob exposure
Mad Gear's Damnd smiled wickedly.
This fellow seems to be the ringleader who captured Jessica somehow or another.
Nevertheless, this guy's face is too yellow.
Maybe something's wrong with his liver?
The scene shifts to Cody and Guy who are in the midst of training, when they finalise their call to arms・・・
And show their two dopey puckered faces!
Well, I can finally begin my battle against Mad Gear.
Normally I would have a weapon, and preferably I would come with a bullet-proof vest, fully-armed and combat-ready.
But these are men with blood of fiery zeal...
And they will confront everything with their bare hands!
The shirtless mayor
The others think he is reckless.
Can it really be one finely toned body that the city's fate falls upon?
Alright, I've got three buff dudes to choose to from.
Let's introduce them one-by-one.
The game's main character and the boyfriend of poor abducted Jessica.
This character is very balanced and strong overall.
His popularity is overshadowed by the other two, though.
If you get up close→ He can stab without throwing the knife!
It's advisable to start with him as he's simple and easy to use.
A ninja with the title of 39th successor of the Bushin art.
Cody seems to be his friend and training companion.
Of the three characters he is the fastest, but his strength is the lowest.
This means he takes longer to defeat each enemy, which can be a drawback.
Where there are walls he can use the flying triangle kick to propel himself from them.
Backfist⇒Backfist⇒Body blow⇒Elbow hit⇒Turnaround kick
Incidentally, between the elbow hit and turnaround kick there is a pause before the attack commences.
Enemies love to counterattack during that delay.
Mayor of Metro City and father of Jessica.
He was a former street fighter before earning the role of mayor.
This is a man who believes in the American Dream.
Man, trying to oppose this guy is just asking for trouble...
He's the resident powerhouse, but is the most sluggish of the group.
I like professional wrestling, so to use a character like this is most exhilarating of all.
Body blow⇒Body blow⇒Knuckle hammers
In addition, Haggar shows tremendous skill in his usage of the aerial pile driver
Aerial pile driver
Pay attention to the expression of the hapless flunky.
Do you think he's disgusted because
his butt stinks?
Also, when it's game over
They land themselves in this sticky situation.
I feel sorry for them, so I'll help out.
The three warriors have a narrow escape from death.
Now we have the selection of insignificant human sacrifices Mad Gear offer to our warriors
Small fry / all-stars
They range from weaklings to handfuls↑ Some groups are strong, some groups are pathetic.
I'd like to introduce you to the Mad Gear crew, listed by strength tier.
From left（ SIMONS ・ DUO ・ BRED ・ JAKE ）
They are the weakest grunts of Mad Gear.
They shouldn't be difficult one-on-one, but once they form a group it can be a struggle.
Just so you know, guys,
they can jump and kick when you least expect it!
The problematic jump-kick
Surely it is the No.1 t.
( J ・ TWO.P ・ HOLLY WOOD )
The two assholes are punks, the latter is a suicide bomber.
The punk motherfuckers move like boxers and can't be grabbed easily.
They'll bide their time before moving in→ for a quick jab
If you're play as the slow-moving Haggar, you might have trouble with these guys.
The suicide bomber throw firebombs and often blows himself up→ A dangerous man by various means.
（ G.DRIBER ・ WONG WHO ・ BILL BULL ・ AXL ・ SLASH ）
This group consists of a fatty and a guard（aka Kenshiro）
Because they suddenly charge like cattle, the fatties demand your attention.
They can also high-kick→ Wait, how can they do that with such fat legs?
That kind of stretching is impossible!
These asshole guards are often known as Kenshiro due to the similarity to that character's leather clothes.
Despite the resemblance, they can't perform the art of Hokuto Shinken.
It's best to grab hold of these guys, because true to their name, they'll block your punches.
Try and defeat them quickly→ Because when they grab you, it's going to hurt.
...Wait, is that other guy floating?
( EL GADO ・ HOLLY WOOD ・ POISON ・ ROXY )
One is a knife wielder and the other is a transvestite
The knife wielder stabs you with a knife, if the name didn't suggest it strongly enough.
Any fight with these guys can get intense, thanks to their quick movements and long range.
This guy's other techniques include:
Falling from the sky without warning
Or maybe they're the Chinese acrobatics team?
Or maybe that image is them...
Being abducted by aliens?
The transvestite, I repeat, is a transvestite.
Haggar knows now, but only after some grave mistakes.
（ ANDORE ・ G.ANDORE ・ ANDORE Jr. ・ F.ANDORE ）
The game's strongest enemies are the Andore family.
As is expected, these guys are the strongest and are aggressive even when caught by Haggar.
It looks like he's thrusting his crotch at him!
The Andore family are also widely varied in their range of attacks.
They can even bust out a pile driver on you.
These guys are tough!
Also, check this out:
The clan all share the same face.
That's a formidable gene!
In addition, this Andore family...
In a crisis, they will make "Play Relationships" with you.
Haggar isn't enjoying this...
(Okay, that's a lie...)
Anyway, let's start fighting!
Jessica is snatched up by Damnd,
but because the lackeys are so weak, you can reach the boss with ease.
The boss is Damnd, the gang leader who had kidnapped Jessica.
He seems to think he's the leader of Mad Gear,
though he appears to be a simple gofer.
When Damnd is damaged to a certain degree,
he'll hop over here and summon his minions with the call of a whistle.
He's invincible when he's on his perch.
Haggar claims victory!
But although Damnd is defeated, there's no sign of Jessica.
Incidentally, I discovered something new while fighting Damnd
I learnt that:
Damnd is bald!
His hair's peeling off, don't you think?
Stage 2 is a battle in the subway.
The Andore family make their first appearance in this area.
Inside the train the stream of enemies are quite a menace.
This boss is the 「novice killer」 who is known as Sodom.
He'll chop at you with either of his swords if you get close.
Frankly, I wonder if he isn't a considerably hard boss for the second level.
Since you get attacked by a sudden dash before you can attack if you are within his Y-axis,
a frontal approach is unwise.
After toppling Sodom we move to a bonus stage with a car, for some reason.
I don't know who owns this car, but I am forced to destroy it.
I can scarcely believe this man is mayor.
Bred emits a broken wail for the loss of his beloved vehicle.
Stage 3 is set in a battle on the streets.
This stage features a lot more enemies than the previous two,
but this only allows you to pick someone up and hurl him at a crowd.
In the middle of the stage you are forced to fight three members of the Andore clan.
Three at once are nigh-unbeatable, but take care of one of them and you'll have a lighter load to dispose of.
Once the fighting stops you can continue on your way.
This boss is the corrupt cop Edi.E
If you get too close he'll demonstrate police brutality and whack you with his club.
Once his health gets low, Officer Idiot will open fire with his pistol.
Stage 4 is set in a factory bursting into flames.
Because it's constantly baked in flame, there's no reason to move on the Y-axis much.
Rolento is the boss of this stage.
This guy is the fastest character you'll meet - so fast he leaves an afterimage!
If you approach him carelessly he'll throw you to the ground.
This is a nuisance, as his baton has long range and can hit you from afar.
He can also throw grenades which hurt quite a lot, understandably.
When is life is at zero, he will scuttle aside and kill himself.
After you beat Rolento you enter a bonus stage requiring you demolish panes of glass.
There's plenty of time, so I find it easy to get a perfect run.
Stage 5 is a long stretch with large quantities of enemies we've seen before.
This zone also has plenty of encounters with knife wielders, which can be a hassle.
Haggar breaks the barrels with a double-fist swing.
This whirlwind attack is great for crowd clearing.
This boss is Abigail.
He's the head honcho of the Andore gang.
He's a Mad Gear member with Herculean strength, but he isn't exactly intelligent.
When he's angry, he heats up like a boiling kettle.
Get out of his way when he's red!
At last, we reach the final stage.
The onslaught of enemies is not as intense as earlier stages,
though it's surprisingly easy to be taken out by rolling drums.
Once you reach the middle of the stage, though, it's going to get hectic.
Caution is required as enemies suddenly appear from behind pillars.
We're on our way to the last boss.
Our last boss is Belger.
He first appears on a wheelchair with Jessica, but bust his ass and he'll start using his legs.
He never enters close-quarters combat, he will only spring around and fire his crossbow.
Once his health is low, he'll stand in front of the window and fire at you. This only makes it easier to knock him through it.
Belger is defeated!
When he is conquered, he falls through the glass and plummets down the side of the building.
but still holds onto his gun.
Victory, at last!
Also, all three characters appear for some reason.
It's a touching ending.
Jessica has a moving reunion with her father,
but Haggar is still bitter for letting this happen.
Cody and Guy march as the credits roll.
Gosh, Guy is small in comparison.
That's the ending. Or so they thought...
They are chased by a swarm of enemies, and none of them are happy!
But one man lags behind:
No one will claim victory after meeting the buttocks of Andore!
Haggar has appeared!
But even his arrival
cannot save him from being pile drived!
In the last second, the indomitable minds of the Mad Gear grunts allowed them to achieve a miracle victory. （End）
That's not the punch line.
In reality, Jessica appears chasing after Cody.
Guy beats up Cody for ignoring his girlfriend.
Jessica and Cody will be happy together.
But after this struggle, can they really live happily forever?
You see, several years later,
Cody later appeared in Zero Strike and in that time had become a prisoner.
Pointless, wasn't it...
(return to Random Hoo Haas)
「This content is the property of Otimusya. I have merely translated them for an English audience. For details, see the disclaimer.」