Around February 2010 I began playing Castlevania: Circle of the Moon, and
realised just how much I love the game. It doesn't quite how the impressive
depth or orgasm-inspiring graphics of its source of inspiration, Symphony of
the Night, but the great music, cute graphics and engaging gameplay had me
hooked for the few weeks it took to complete. Playing it on an emulator via the
Wii's homebrew emulator allowed me to enjoy it on a large television screen, and
combined with usage of the Classic Controller, it genuinely felt like I was
playing a SNES game. Yes, offbeat screen resolution and iffy sound chip aside,
it captured the vibe remarkably well and I had many enjoyable evenings seated on
my ass whipping skeletons, skeleton horses and skeleton dragons until they died.
Again. I'll try and avoid opening up the "is a skeleton already dead or what the
hell" debate because I do not give one ounce of a damn.
I love the Classic Controller. I won't even try to deny that I am totally biased
towards the Super Nintendo in so many categories, and its controller is just one
of the many reasons I love it to bits. It's a comfortable size, a dinky shape,
fits just about all the buttons you'd ever need onto it, and of course, it's the
first console I had and thus am mandated by law to have fond memories of it
did have the Sinclair Spectrum first but I can hardly wax poetic about a
keyboard or a giant joystick can I). It's only natural that when my very first SNES controller gave up the ghost over a decade ago, I was quite disheartened.
Yes, I had a humongous arcade controller and one that had turbo powers,
but there's something magical about the real deal.
So when I first heard about the Classic Controller I couldn't help but OGMBASM.
It adds two analogue sticks! It adds two extra shoulder buttons!
It fits the Wii Remote inside it
They removed that! Let's face it, all it needs is two extra face buttons like on
a SEGA Saturn controller and it would be the ultimate controller.
Mind you, I was a little frustrated when I heard that it drew its power from the
Wii Remote. I am simply not a big fan of wireless controllers.
because of unfortunate old experiences where someone walking past would
completely interfere with its functionality and ruin your game completely,
but that's a thing of the past now - though the fact they're still battery
powered isn't. I have an unnecessary fascination with batteries and feel
terribly unprepared if I don't have a good supply of AAs accessible, but I also
hate using them. Yeah, I don't know, maybe it's like I'm playing Family
Pirate Party and my batteries are drained, I think "man, those batteries
wasted their lives just so I could play a shitty game." I don't know the
reason behind it, but I just loathe actually using them on anything other than
Also, the fact that the Wii Remote simply has to be dangling
from it the whole time is just off-putting. Yes, you can just set it somewhere
on the couch, but it feels uncomfortable and unholy, like the Classic Controller
has an umbilical cord sticking out of it.
However, that wasn't the only disappointment - the Classic Controller doesn't
work with GameCube games! What the hell, guys? I was totally looking forward to
playing Sonic Adventure DX with a new controller layout, and I am denied
the opportunity. I'm probably alone in this, but I think playing games with a
new controller scheme is totally rad. You have not lived until you have
attempted to play Metal Slug with a flight stick, my friend.
Mind you, the GameCube did already have a SNES-style controller made for it -
the Hori Digital Controller. Primarily designed to work with the Game Boy Player
and compilation titles, everyone says they're incredible and are totally worth
the 2k monies they retail for, but frankly, I wasn't too impressed with it. The
purple colouration was nice, and it did add some grooves to the back that
allowed for comfortable handling, and I won't deny that it was quite decent for
playing through Mega Man Xtreme 2, but it just didn't seem to be enough.
Yes, it's shaped like a SNES controller and has a Select button and everything
(actually just a copy of the Y button but don't tell anyone), but the button
layout is still the same as the GameCube, meaning you'll have a humongous A
button, miniscule B button and the rest. Why? If I wanted to play these games
with a SNES controller, I literally want to play them with a SNES controller,
not some bizarre bastardisation of it and its GameCube brethren. Also, if you're
going to throw in the GameCube's button layout, why not just go the whole hog
and add in the two analogue sticks in positions similar to a DualShock? Don't
just go halfway, you guys.
So, yes, a thorough disappointment. But then I saw this!
It's an adaptor that plugs into the controller port on a Wii or GameCube and
allows you to use a Classic Controller instead! And since it literally takes the
role of a GameCube controller, this means it'll work on those games and not
require any batteries! I've restricted myself to one usage of this word per
article (just for a larf), but I do believe this is a good time to drop an
However, I am also a stupendous tightarse. Yes, this looked interesting, but
was it worth spending a whole ten British pounds on? After all, what else could
I buy with that money?
I could purchase a discounted deluxe-size Transformers figure. Toys R Us
are drowning in the things.
GAME offer some absurdly cheap DS titles, some of which are actually legitimate
games with budgets behind them, such as Luminous Arc or Mega Man ZX!
If those 5P crisps were still sold I could buy enough of them to choke a horse.
Please tell me those things are still being made. They were quite possibly the
best food products in existence for children on budgets.
With £10 I would be halfway there to being able to buy a single anime DVD, if I'm lucky. I'm sorry, but Street
Fighter Alpha or four episodes of Escaflowne are not worth £15.
Thanks a million, British Board of Film Certification.
I was still on the fence, but then I remembered that good chum RQ87 spends money
on a whim as much as a cow craps, like when he shelled out 2k monies for a
NeoGeo, which in turn would cost him even more to actually get any games to play
on it. I thought to myself, "I can spend money frivulously too!" and in a bold
move, I spent a whole £9.49 on the Classic Controller converter box. It was a
memorable day in the history books of rash behaviour.
And then this turned out to be the very moment I should've stayed on the fence.
See, the seller (named "bighappyvalley")
claimed they dispatched their items from Hythe, a little old place located in
Kent, near the bottom of England. That would suggest that dispatch and delivery
would be fairly prompt, about a week at the very most.
I unwisely looked at the
feedback after I ordered, where many people stated that their items were
actually shipped from Hong Kong, and not even shipped airmail, but by a very
slow boat. Most people stated they only received their goods a month after they
first ordered, some people nearly two months later. Yiiiiiikes. Regret and
Having to wait such a time for something you bought on a whim is certainly a
major bummer, and when I was hoping to get it sometime before I finished
Castlevania, that is a definite mood spoiler. I completed that game a few
days later, so the driving force behind getting it was now gone, though it
certainly wouldn't hurt to just have it.
A month to wait. Two months if I'm unlucky. Well, what can I do in that time?
I can twiddle my thumbs, for starters.
I could measure how long the grass grows each day.
I can attempt to read the first paragraph of War And Peace.
A month passed... and still nothing. Everything I'd ordered from other places
days or weeks after I ordered the converter box had arrived, even a bunch of
books from China, but there was still no sign of it. I sent the seller a message
asking what was up, but received no reply. The seller has received new feedback
with people stating their goods had arrived after a month, and they had ordered
around the time I had, early February. So why was mine not showing up?
no one else had actually ordered this Classic Controller converter from him -
did everyone else know better? After all, this was a bland no-name product,
certainly not to the credibility of something that looks professional such as
Classic Linker Plus. When I first ordered I was worried if the thing would
work or not, but at this point I was only concerned if the damn thing would ever
Come April, I've lost my chance to leave feedback or file a case against the
seller, and still no sign of the item. Negative feedback piles up, and the
seller apparently jumps ship, removing all their item listings and presumably
taking hospice in this new
account ("digitalitemm"), where the same kinds of items are sold and
the same kinds of complaints are seen (no communication, slow dispatch, items
I probably should've just bought a DS game.
Lesson learnt: Never buy anything for the rest of my life.
Oh, who am I kidding.