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Monday, July 16, 2012 at 11:58 am Comments (1)

Today’s observation: Has anyone ever made a recipe for a meat pizza?
I’m not talking like pizza with meat toppings on it – I’m talking like a hunk of meat, a pork chop or something, that you’d treat like a pizza. Slather the top of it in mozzarella cheese, tomato sauce, pepperoni, the works.
Because, damn it, if someone hasn’t made it, I may just have to.

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An open letter to the spider on the washing line

Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm Comments (2)

You don’t need to put cobwebs on the clothes pegs. You don’t need to put any on my jeans, either. You don’t — look, no webs on the washing line, alright? It’s a good job you’re doing, and you seem like a really efficient worker, but it’s wasted out here. They’re mighty fine webs, but I don’t think any bugs are going to be interested in my pants. We could probably make an arrangement where I make my pants a bug paradise, and you could…

Look, just get a hobby.

Love, Mark.

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Drunken Irishman correctly predicts end of the world

Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm Comments (6)

Bomberman Fantasy Race has been ported to the new layout. Not much actually new, but you don’t have to look at that awful dark green tiled backdrop any more.

Watched The Birds. A few days ago I’d caught that episode of The Simpsons that parodies it with the babies in the daycare centre, and figured, hey, let’s check out the source material!

Melanie Daniels, entranced by a hotshot lawyer named Mitch that pesters her in a pet shop, seeks out his home to bask in his company for a while longer. Mitch lives with his mother and sister, and is apparently renowned for being a bit of a lady killer; the local school teacher lived far away once, but chose to stay to be in touch with him. Mitch’s mother worries not that her son will be with another woman, but fears of being abandoned with no one to love her. As such, Melanie earns her automatic scorn, but as time goes by, the two wind up warming up a little to each other, with the hope that eventually HEY HOLY SHIT BIRD ATTACK


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“This is probably a stupid question, but do you hire real birds to make your chilli, or do you just get guys in costume?”

Sunday, May 6, 2012 at 11:55 am Comments (1)

… I asked the canary wearing a chef’s hat.

Today’s observation: I have no idea what last night’s dream was all about. It involved going go-carting with my friends; being invited to a group of medieval knights living in the mountains (who called themselves the Nigerian Knights, but had surprisingly few Nigerians); a group of canaries making chilli as a tie-in promotion for the Super Mario Bros. movie; and an arcade game based off M*A*S*H, with Game Over screens featuring shocking amounts of blood and gore from the main characters.

Today’s epiphany: My dreams have better writing than my actual writing.

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Vestigial arms, romance and anatomy

Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm Comments (5)

Went to see John Carter last night. Had no expectations, but definitely enjoyed myself – it’s not the far-out, totally alien sci-fi experience I’ve been interested in seeing on the big screen, but it’s a fun ol’ romp with some fantastic eye candy.

I’d be lying if I said I completely understood the story, though. At the core there’s a basic seen-it-a-million-times “white guy goes to another planet, has a unique power (jumping really high!) the locals don’t have and unites all the warring races against one bad dude, and probably gets the girl too if that’s the way he swings, and there’s some drama about whether or not he wants to go home that depends on how cool the new planet is.” And there’s also immortal dudes who can shape shift and dictate the course of the solar system, and they plot evil shit.
Okay, that probably wasn’t as basic as I thought it was, but you get my drift, surely.

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Tuesday, March 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm Comments (1)

That sounds really awkward. Could you imagine going to a rental store and having a bunch of movie stars lurking about? Traipsing about and listening in on customer chatter? Uncomfortable.

And restocking shelves is bad enough, but having to pat Hugh Jackman on the back and tell him that being in Happy Feet wasn’t a bad idea sounds like a rough job for any rental store employee.

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Soupy twist

Saturday, January 7, 2012 at 11:37 pm Comments (1)

I spent New Years Eve watching the 2009 Sherlock Holmes with the folks, and just so happened to get invited to see the sequel with my uncle on New Years Day. I can’t really say much, it’s about what you’d expect if you saw the first one – the same kind of romping around, the same kind of banter. Not bad, not fantastic, just on par with the first one. If you didn’t like the first one, it won’t change your mind.

I was looking forward to seeing Stephen Fry as Mycroft Holmes, but I was a bit disappointed – partly because Mycroft doesn’t have much screen time and doesn’t actually do much (true to the character, I suppose), and partly because, well, it’s hard to actually see Stephen Fry as a character. I can suspend my disbelief for everyone else – Robert Downey Jr. is Sherlock Holmes! Jude Law is Dr. Watson! Stephen Fry is… Stephen Fry wearing a hat, or Stephen Fry in period dress or something.

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Snappy, happy monkey

Tuesday, December 6, 2011 at 8:16 pm Comments Off on Snappy, happy monkey

I can owe a number of trivial audio-related parts of my life to the cassettes my dad would play while driving me to primary school years and years ago. Most importantly, it introduced me to The Goon Show, which probably led into my interest in radio production and absurdist humour. It introduced me to Flanders & Swann, I heard the story of The Hobbit without ever touching the original novel, and I was probably subjected to the theme from The Adventures of Robin Hood more times than any child should be.

It also meant I got to listen to Little Red Monkey by Joy Nichols, Dick Bentley and Jimmy Edwards a bunch of times. For whatever reason, the song freaked me out when I was a kid.

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Don’t look a gift mule in the mouth

Sunday, December 4, 2011 at 1:18 pm Comments (2)

I was going to say that I wouldn’t trust an equine wearing tights… but then I realised that was just the tint of its wings.
I wouldn’t trust one wearing wings, either.

Today’s observation: Replacing all usages of the word “epic” with “big ol'” makes it infinitely more charming. Kirby’s Big Ol’ Yarn. Big Ol’ Mickey. Big Ol’ Comics. Big ol’ poetry. Big Ol’ of Gilgamesh.

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Teetotaller? I ‘ardly knew ‘er!

Saturday, September 10, 2011 at 7:17 pm Comments Off on Teetotaller? I ‘ardly knew ‘er!

Just trying to wrap my head around life at the moment. Excuse the lack of activity.

Today’s observation: For the longest time, I thought “teetotaller” was pronounced “tee-toe-tale-er”. Naturally I thought, why would you want to publicly identify as a non-alcoholic if the term for it was so goddamned dorky? Just today I discovered it’s actually pronounced “tee-total-er”. That’s a little less embarrassing, but by not much.

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