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ONM Remembered – #374

“PlayStation 2 controllers may have been voted the most comfortable around but after a match of FIFA they might as well be coated in butter as they become far too slippery.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 119 (August 2002)

This is the story of my bloody life.

I want to say sweating all over gamepads is just a thing that happens, probably because I don’t want to be alone with this problem, but I’d like to think there are millions of folks out there living merry, dry-palmed lives, able to put away a controller after a night of Left 4 Dead without even a drop of moisture on it. Meanwhile I’m digging out old GameCube controllers and having to scrape my palm residue from in between the prongs. I could tell you stories that’d scare the eyebrows clean off your face, buddy.

Forget plastic surgery and fake tans, I’d kill for a perspiration dial. Turn it down when I’d really rather wear a dry shirt outside today, and crank it up whenever I need to ward off large predators.