ONM Remembered – #258

Tuesday, April 7, 2015 at 11:00 am Comments Off on ONM Remembered – #258

“Crush the head to activate the character’s speech.”

from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 95 (August 2000)

This isn’t just a preview for THQ’s WWF No Mercy – it’s got posters! It’s got wrestler spotlights! It’s got merchandise shilling! It’s got an ad for the Wacky Races video game!!!
(is it just me, or was there a period where every developer was dead-set on making racing games based off old-as-balls cartoons? … okay, Wacky Races and the Looney Tunes Space Race are the only ones that pop to mind, but still. weird era, huh?)

I’ll admit wrestling has been a mystery to me for the longest time – I’ve played two wrestling games in my entire life and both of them were nigh-incomprehensible, and I just never got into it when I was young. Why would I watch big dudes tussling when I could be watching ReBoot? I admit I hold a bizarre fascination for it now; why didn’t anyone tell me it was like a living cartoon crossed with the most outrageous of soap opera plots? I mean, Andre the Giant straight up Donkey Konging Macho Man’s manager in the middle of a match? That’s just the kind of stupid crap I love, man.
(i’m a wee bit behind, you can probably tell)

Which is why it frustrates me that the two wrestling games I played were so needlessly complex and not a lot of fun. I’d love for something as dirt-simple as Pok√©mon Rumble, but with wrestlers. That guy ran over your car in a monster truck? That’s more than enough reason to go about elbow dropping fifteen jobbers at once! Push the concept of a Royal Rumble to its absolute limit!

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