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ONM Remembered – Pokémon Week II, day 2

“Don’t be fooled by this goofy looking Pokémon.”


from Pokémon Master Guide (1999)

Being the hypest shit of 1998, Pokémon was more than a little bit swamped in dodgy cheats and bogus rumours, and I’m willing to admit I tried a lot of them. I mean, what have you got to lose? Trading a Dragonite ten times in a row to make it evolve into Luigi is hardly going to kill you for time. And collecting 100 rings on the Egg Carrier with the language set to Japanese to unlock Nack the Weasel in Sonic Adventure? Lemme at it!

As seen in the last page, the guide took the time to mention obviously fake Pokémon such as Pikablu… but nebulous tricks such as the Pokéball trick, Missingno and the Cinnabar Island coast, they’re too big to ignore, but run the risk of either being lies or permanently gamming up your cartridge. What’s the safest way of including them, while expertly avoiding all responsibility?
Blame it on Meowth.
It’s genius. I’m surprised it hasn’t gotten widely adopted by this point. Forget disclaimers like “ONM accepts no liability for the loss of save data”, they’re secretly shaming you for using them. Oh, your Hall of Fame got glitched up? That’s what you get for trusting Meowth, you dappy fuck. Look at that untrustworthy piece of shit. He’s laughing at you every time you hold Down and B. You don’t want that, do you? Then stick to the rest of the page, you big palooka, Meowth’s leading you down a bad road. It’ll be your turn to laugh when he gets twenty five to life for trading in dodgy tricks.