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ONM Remembered – #138

“Slash him up”


from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 94 (July 2000)

This charming little excerpt comes from a multi-page feature highlighting the then-new and improved Conker’s Bad Fur Day, flaunting its bad language, innuendo and deluge of fluids to the unsuspecting masses.

I may have bemoaned the revamp a couple of days ago, but I’ve a lot of respect for Conker’s Bad Fur Day, and a lot of fond memories. I mean, at the very least, what other game lets you piss on golems and whack a robot in its robot-genitals? Probably more and more everyday, thanks to the classy state of the games industry. Thanks for denying us that rare novelty, lads.

For an N64 game, Conker looked especially slick, and the sheer amount of cutscenes, dialogue and stupid little details gave it plenty of charm. And as far as N64 games go, it made for a great conversation piece. “Hey, have you guys seen this game with the singing poo? Oh, it’s class. Check this out, it’s also got these scouser beetles, and you can bite the ass off of this giant caveman.” Not many games give you the privilege to show people only the best bits!
… on a completed save file, that is. When I started a new file in it a year or two ago, I was taken aback by how sluggish it is to start, due to the amount of meaningless guff and unskippable cutscenes you’ve got to wade through. The game has some brilliant moments that make you think, “that game was fantastic!”, and then you play it, and you realise all the guff you glossed over to retain that perception.

The multi-player, though? Crackin’ stuff. I can talk shit on the campaign for days if you request it (please don’t), but my pals and I have had stacks of fun in those deathmatch modes. It’s a good thing they completely dropped the offline multi-player in that Xbox remake, wasn’t it?
(god damn it rare)