Stupid Stuff

[last updated: 31-Dec-2012]

(find new stuff by searching for [NEW]) (hurf)

Here's the rubbish I cook up when I'm not feigning intelligence and resort to stretching unfunny jokes as far as I can. For reals.

| namesake nonsense | rockin' tunes | serious doodlings |

---

Namesake Nonsense

Where the regular stuff happens.

ACTION FIGURE REBELLION

[the awful truth]
It also doesn't help that all my large figures are kept in the roof's storage space.

ANTI-GRAVITY SNAKES

[picture]
More frightening than Hostel! And I haven't even seen Hostel!

ARTISTIC LICENSE AND REALITY COLLIDE

[terrible realisation]
This is why I prefer drawing freaks rather than humans that end up looking like freaks.

"AW FUCK, IT'S...!!!!"

[MS Paint]
YOU KNOW HE CAN'T DRAW GIANT FOREHEADS WITHOUT SOME OF THAT DOUGH

BIRD SOUND SYSTEM

[picture]
Ashura was saying how birds outside his house sounded like they were chanting "Timmy Timmy Timmy". So I said to be wary in case they start chanting "redrum redrum redrum" or "SWALLOW YOUR SOUL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL". Then he said what to do if they started singing music. I suggested sticking them on a car as a surround sound system. And so.

BUCKET OF LOVE

[picture]
It's almost like something you'd see in Faithmouse.
(apparently Faithmouse links back to whoever links to them. So I'm linked there. How embarrassing?)

CAPTAIN CORRECTION

[picture]
It sure makes looking at Paris Hilton a whole different matter. Or whoever the internet has decided to ogle over this week.

CAPTAIN CORRECTION HITS BACK

[picture]
Yes, he helps the overweight, but when will he set out to assist the working man?

Caricature: Aodhán

[picture]
Our gracious host, looking very thoughtful.

Caricature: Beattie

[picture]
That boy rocker.

Caricature: Blaze

[picture]
I admit I took a lot of artistic license with this one.

Caricature: Blaze & Alvina (in the Victorian era!)

[picture]
Yeah, no idea why the Victorian era. I can explain why Blaze is smoking a duck, though.
"I think the previous commenters suck duck. Dick* I mean. ;("
Your lingual mishap is immortalised forever, Alvina! And mine could've been too if I didn't remember your name. I keep calling you Alaska. =(

Caricature: Fats Domino

[picture]
It is impossible to replicate his eyes with the standard paintbrush tool. IMPOSSIBLE. So I made up for that by putting him in an Egg-O-Matic, though at the expense of his chin. =(

Caricature: Me (v.1)

[picture]
Meant to be a self-portrait of sorts but I somehow turned myself into a pseudo-furry emo troll thing. I got my hair just about accurate, though.

Caricature: Me (v.2)

[picture]
Attempt two, where I look less like a dropout from furry league and more like a sad stereotypical Mexican Animal Crossing guy.

Caricature: Me (v.3)

[picture]
I think this is the most accurate so far at the time of writing. Mainly because I shaved when I drew it.

Caricature: Me (v.4)

[picture]
Now with facial hair and accurate legs! Chin is off-model, though.

Caricature: Me (v.5)

[picture]
I just seem to draw moustache hairs on myself even though I don't have any.

Caricature: Me (v.6)

[picture]
Drawn at the workplace. How fitting!

Caricature: Me (v.7)

[picture]
I think I lose track of what I look like sometimes.

Caricature: Ringo Starr

[picture]
Why not?

Caricature: Steve

[picture]
Steve, with a summary of himself in picture form that fits him like a picture glove.

Caricature: Terry Wogan

[picture]
Some serious artistic license going on here.

CAR PARTY BAR LARTY

[picture]
My ideal lifestyle. Although I'd look less like Groucho Marx on a bad day. And my tank would actually look like one.

Cartoon set in a school

[solution]
So many animes could have benefited from this. Sadly, I'm about twenty years too late to have saved the world.

CHEEKY MONKEY

[picture]
SMACK MY CHIMP UP

CLEESE BERGER & BIGGS MACK

[grim reality]
Your dreams of hitting it big will never come true, people.

COMICS THAT DON'T GO ANYWHERE

[what do you think]
It's as if millions of potential ideas suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

CROCODILE MAN

[picture]
I love this picture! Seriously, look at it! It's a crocodile man in a speedo, with an unusually happy face, and a leg that's out of proportion with the other. My finest work.

CROCODILE MAN: SUPER FIGHTING AQUATIC

[this took twenty minutes to draw]
I think this is just taking unfair advantage of my occasional hits from Japanese search engine results.

DANCIN' FREAKS

[animation]
Looks like a relative of this fella.

Dance the night away!

[animation]
And dance he shall!

DORAGON BALL ZEE

[comic]
Dragon Ball Z isn't my thing.
HEY LOOK OUT: really old, so I actually have a physical representation that isn't a yellow face. :x

"Draw Joe Musashi slicing Rodimus Prime's head off"

[picture]
Galvatron requested this, though Chromedome was my addition. I can't help but find Rodimus' feeble attempts to grab his head hilarious.

DRAWING THE MONA LISA FROM MEMORY (on a laptop)

[bastardization]
I am a crime to humanity.

DUCK: OUT ON THE TOWN

[picture]
And ready for prime time!

EDWARD MUNCH'S HIDDEN MEANINGS

[picture]
The bastard!

ESPIO THE CHAMELEON

[picture]
Is clearly ready to go.

EVERY ANIME EVER

[summary]
Well, mostly. Cromartie High School is excluded from both the premise and suckage.

Farmyard Warfare

[picture]
The gruesome reality we all live in.

FATMAN AND BLOBBIN

[picture]
NEVER FORGET (that one lawsuit where two fat teens sued mcdonalds)

FATTY McSHIZZLE

[animation]
Fatty Comic Relief returns from the Lost comic for some booty shakin'.

FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE

[grim reality]
Independent thought is just waiting to be banned.

FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE: THE HEROIC AFRO MAN

[picture]
With a jet pack powered by HIS COOL

FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE: THE INSIDIOUS MOUSTACHIOED MOB

[picture]
A moustache that DUAL WIELDS PISTOLS

FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE: THE NEFARIOUS CAPTAIN COCKFIGHT

[picture]
It speaks FOR ITSELF.

Final Fantasy: Crispal Crusticles

[improvement]
For only Ł9999.43, you can hire me to make your boxarts five thousand times better! (though making the game better is out of everybody's price league)

FINAL FIGHT: THEFT

[picture]
Nobody cares about the owner of a trash can. Especially ones whose trash contains perfectly edible cooked meals.

FIST SHAKING: STERN

[animation]
A STERN FIST SHAKING INDEED

FOREIGN LANGUAGE BLOG ENTRY

[revelation that the world is ruined]
That's why I stick to English. I struggle enough with it already!

GAMESPOT VIDEO REVIEWS

[image]
I'm serious, every single GameSpot video review either has an enthusiastic bearded fat dude or some guy who looks and sounds bored out of his mind. I have no problem with enthusiastic bearded fat dudes, but it's rather worrying when almost all the reviewers are those type of people.

GAMING COMIC BRANCH OUT

[comic?]
I'd like to see that happen.

GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL THROUGH TIME

[alternate reality]
Screw the big bang, THIS is what all those crazy banter people should argue about: The mystical powers of that grill.

GIMME A SOCK

[life-changing question]
WHAT DO U DO

giraffe.gif

[picture]
Really old, but it's still fitting.

GO GO POTATO

[static music video]
For a Sonic Vegemite topic of potatoes versus vegemite.
#GO GO POTAT-O#
#YOU ARE DA MAN-O#
#YOU BETT-O THAN MAY-O#
#YOU ARE DA ROCK-O#
#YOU NOT A HO-BO#
#GO GO POTAT-O#
#GO GO GO#

GRAND THEFT AUTO 3 IS WACKY

[moral lesson]
Those gangs always be hassling me.

HACKSOR ON MAH GIGAHURTZ

[comic]
True story.

HAPPY BIRTHDSAY GALVER =).png

[comic]
Birthday illustration for Galvatron. He suggested the druggy should've been singing "I Believe I Can Fly."

HAPPY BIRTHDSAY GALVER =)2.png

[comic]
"this is better than a new bike and galvatron II put together"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (from "mistery admirer")

[gift]
aw shucks :]
also no mistery admirer i'm not 42 but i will be once i go back thirty years in my time machine lol

"Having cars indoors is the awesomest shit ever"

[a statement just waiting to be contested]
A Hollywood mastermind in action.

HEAD DEFLATING

[animation]
Oh nooooo~!

HELL BUDDIES 1

[comic]
Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt and Steve Irwin mock Adolf Hitler's fetish. Who's surprised?

HELL BUDDIES 2

[comic]
That guy from 300 and Napoleon share an intimate meal.

HELL BUDDIES 3

[comic]
A penis joke. I'm ashamed. =(

How Cloverfield should've ended

[spoilers]
The director's cut has the victory rocking so hard that the events time travel forward to July 4th and the explosions look like fireworks. And it's recorded in Mothra-vision.

HULK REFERENCE!

[picture]
HULK SMASH HULK CRASH HULK MASH

I'M BURNING AS IF ON FIRE

[picture]
I thought it was funny. =(

INTERNET JUNKIE

[picture]
A self portrait. =)

"is this enough proof.jpg"

[something i've had on my desktop for way too long and i don't know why it was there in the first place]
Uh, yeah.
(No, the figure was in that condition when I got it.)

JAKE THE COPYCAT

[comic]
Political satire? You tell me.

JEFFREY JEFFERSON ON THE LOOSE

[i don't know what i'm doing anymore]
His crimes should be obvious.

KILL WITH ANYTHING

[picture]
Life lessons.

LET'S MAKE A VIDEO GAMING COMIC

[guess]
I attempt to make a joke on a kind of joke that's been turned into it's own joke and has ceased being a joke while mine lacks a punch line joke.

LIFE AS A FLOWER

[picture]
If you treat flowers as life and kind of ignore the Holocaust, you could say that flowers are really the worst treated minorities.
(I think I'm going to hell again)

LIFE IS LIKE A WHOOPEE CUSHION

[picture]
Lampposts just aren't rooted into the ground like they used to be.

LIZARD CRAB PLANT

[new discovery]
It eats babies. =0

LOST

[picture]
Lost is hyped lots. I attempt to watch. I fail to enjoy, not just because of it being boring, but because how much hype surrounds the damn thing. I draw this. I attempt to watch Lost again. I fail. Again. =(

LUNCH MONEY TAX ENFORCER

[picture]
uh

LUNCH MONEY TAX ENFORCER 3000

[picture]
um

MEN (v.1)

[picture]
I think this was supposed to be a jab at male celebrities and what dicks they are, or the male population in general, I don't know.

MEN (v.2)

[picture]
And here's the second version. It DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE to the previous one. =(

ME IN THE FUTURE AS A PARENT

[a future in which I have no regard for mankind by having a son]
He's got my eyebrows and my dickheadedness. Goodness knows how he got both.

ME NO SCARE

[picture]
I wish I knew what the hell I was thinking with this picture.

ME VS THE SONIC COMMUNITY

[battle of the opinions]
Well, versus the stupid part. If there's a smart part, that is (ZING)

MEGA MAN: THE MOVIE

[a bastardisation]
It can't be worse than House of the Dead, though.

Memorable Halo Moments: Vol. 1

[once graced the General Writings page for four friggin' years]
A mouthy pimp!

Memorable Halo Moments: Vol. 2

[once graced the General Writings page for four friggin' years]
A camping trip!

Memorable Halo Moments: Vol. 3

[once graced the General Writings page for four friggin' years]
A hobo-hating man!

Memorable Halo Moments: Vol. 4

[once graced the General Writings page for four friggin' years]
Vulgar adult talkings! (what's new)

Memorable Halo Moments: Vol. 5

[once graced the General Writings page for four friggin' years]
A man who tries too hard!

Memorable Halo Moments: Vol. 6

[once graced the General Writings page for four friggin' years]
The best of!

Memorable Halo Moments: Vol. 7

[once graced the General Writings page for four friggin' years]
A dysfunctional family!

[NEW] METAL SLUG ABRIDGED

[comic]
Essential reading for anyone who dares dip their toe into understanding the series' convoluted narrative.

Metaphorical Game Taste

[picture]
Opinions. IN IMAGE FORM.

MOOD SWING MARK

[picture]
Based off a true story!

MOTORBIKE MAN OMOVIE

[comic]
Part of a long-running series of odd movies.

MR SHIT'S ADVENTURES IN WAGGLING

[video game of the century]
I think I was originally going to have an actual joke in there, but I don't know what happened.

MUSTACHERED HEDGEHOG

[picture]
I'm not sure if this is Sonic or some other generic Sonic-style hedgehog, but he has a gut and a moustache.

MY IDEAL ANIMAL: CHAMELEON

[picture]
I prefer the original, really.

MY IDEAL ANIMAL: CHAMELEON (take 2)

[picture]
Less of a chameleon and more of a martini drinking, boombox listening snake with sunglasses.

MY IDEAL ANIMAL: MAN DOLPHIN

[picture]
Actually the result of being asked "what's your fetish?", but I won't hold that against Beattie.

MY IDEAL ANIMAL: GORILLA

[picture]
Despite everything in Beattie's gorilla, such as the Pokéball for a hand and two sets of ears, the moustached foot just steals the show.

MY IDEAL ANIMAL: PANDA

[picture]
Pandas are pretty boring, so to improve it Beattie had to entirely change it. For shame?

MY IDEAL ANIMAL: PENGUIN

[picture]
There aren't many ways to improve a penguin, so I need forty top notch philosophers to assist me on this.

MY IDEAL ANIMAL: TIGER

[picture]
Beattie's list of awesome animal appearance additions.

MY LIFE IN 2006 IN REVIEW

[mini-biography]
The most realistic view into my riveting life ever.

MY LIFE IN 2007 IN REVIEW

[horrible realisation]
Ironically, I actually bought very few boxed toys, but it's hard to get buried under shoddy bootleg action figures.

My opinion on snipers

[picture]
An award-winning in-depth documentary into the life of a sniper.

NEW GAMING HILARITY

[hilarity]
Fun with console names without the use of urination or ding dongs!

NEW HERO ON THE BLOCK

[image]
BACK IN BLACK

NEW SUPER MARIO BROS' HORRIBLE EVENTUALITY

[the official realisation that i don't use the hoaxes page anymore]
I'm on the bandwagon!

PANTHER MAN

[best announced in the same manner as the Pepsiman ads]
Ignore the logical fallacy that panthers don't have manes and bask in his heroism.

No news is good news?

[shocking reality]
And that's why slow news days were invented.

NOOBS ARE EVERYWHERE

[comic]
But the real question is, do we care?

NOTE TO PEOPLE HIRING ME FOR ANIMATION PURPOSES

[public service announcement]
If you want me to imitate a style used by anyone else...

OH SHIT A BOMB

[GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE]
IT'S GONNA BLOW

ONLY HUMAN IS BAFFLING

[comic]
I watched that episode of Transformers twice and still can't exactly wrap my head around it. So it exploded.

THE DAY THE ENERGY FACILITY WAS OVERTHROWN

[shocking truth]
Oh, the lost businesses of our country. I don't even know if textiles require computers, though.

PAGE VIEW PRIZE

[image]
deviantART is weird. I can't say it enough.

Pants!

[picture]
Everyone's favourite article of clothing!

PENGUIN THEFT AUTO

[potential game idea]
Your homies would be walruses.

PERSONALITY MIXUP

[observation]
That's the internet for ya!

Philoshpopical portrait #1

[thought-provoking picture]
Philosophicall.

Philosopphical portrait #2

[life-changing picture]
Philosohpical.

Philosophical portrait #3

[fun fact providing picture]
Got it eventually. :]

PIZZA EATING FURRIES

[internet fetish in the making]
I think I just invented another internet fetish.

POKÉMON FOR MEN

[comic]
That would make the series so much better.

Project64 is a drama queen

[public service announcement]
There's that and the fact it gives four error messages before I can change a plug-in.

PUNCHOUT DREAM MATCH

[fantasy]
You'd think seeing McDonalds characters as deranged convicts as boxers would make your life complete, but I'm let down.

Random Hoo Haas: The Early Years

[the horrible truth]
I wish I knew how to forgive and forget. I still cringe at things I did decades ago, like stealing five pence from a fat kid and thinking I was rich.

Random Hoo Haas: The Now Years

[the unsatisfying fact]
I also wish I knew what a balanced lifestyle was.

Rebranding your art

[deviantART facts]
If this place was called Variable Vaginas I would so be in Cosmopolitan or whatever it is those artsy farts read.

RHH FORUM: ELECTRICAL BLUBABLOO

[picture]
Accurate summary of a real event.

Roy the Forgotten Prophet

[comic]
Based on a blog entry of a friend of mine.

RUN

[animation]
Look at him go!

RUN SONIC RUN

[picture]
The stuff of nightmares.

Saying grace for picky eaters

[moral lesson]
It'd be even worse if someone else made the meal.

SECRET TO STOP N SWOP

[picture]
Drawn just for the good folk over at The Rare Witch Project.

SEXXXY

[picture]
Female celebrities in a nutshell.

SISSY BAD MAN

[picture]
You know who I blame for this? deviantART.

SNAKES IN A NUTSHELL

[movie summary]
All you need to know about Snakes on a Plane.

SNES GAMES OUT THE ASS

[picture]
I honestly can't remember where I got the idea for this.

So Daleks are a bit crap at defeating the Doctor

[infomercial]
Seriously guys, learn to exterminate first and ask questions later. You're living jokes, now.

SOLUTION TO COMPUTER ADDICTION

[picture]
There was a news report about a bunch of Koreans who couldn't leave their computers, so some people made some highly advanced way of turning them away from their computers. Here's the simple way: Burn the damn thing and laugh at them.

SONIC CAN REALLY MOVE

[picture]
Look at him go!

SONIC FANART

[picture]
Beautiful.

SPACE DEMONS

[kickassery]
So somebody from the Metal Slug Database made a crappy-looking cover to a book I never read, and I felt it was lacking any resemblance of awesome. And then I read this summary and realised how the original cover is so much more fitting and mine should become a Hollywood blockbuster.

Spamusement: ATTACK OBESITY

[comic]
Spamusement fan-comic, featuring an RPG guy (JONNM!) fighting a hideous layer of blubber that is OBSITY. Subject line by Sweet Tasting Jonas.
And just a heads up that I take my subject lines really literally, meaning facial expressions are mostly the only redeeming value.

Spamusement: BONANZA!!! YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS HAVE WON!!!

[comic]
A kinky e-mail address wins paper with zoomed-in text from a gorilla-armed game show host.

Spamusement: Catch the eyes of a passerby with a banner.

[comic]
My humour never changes.

Spamusement: Do you want resplendent lady?

[comic]
Screw actually looking for a suitable lady companion, just pick one up at the Lady Selection!

Spamusement: Do you want scenic gay?

[comic]
Pink tank top = homosexual.

Spamusement: Don't let 1 more day pass without the proper coverage.

[comic]
Life lessons for any popular celebrity: Go outside.

Spamusement: FW: I think you are going to love this top-notchgift Dix

[comic]
Subject line found by some guy at their forums, cputrdoc. Zany robots don't make good gifts.

Spamusement: Go Shopping with someone else's money!

[comic]
Love them expressions.

Spamusement: Here's how to score a Mac Mini Computer on us

[comic]
Computer fetishists. :x

Spamusement: how could u

[comic]
Those Australian cork hats never did look fashionable, did they?

Spamusement: IT HAS HAPPENED!!

[comic]
Modern day miracles never go as planned.

Spamusement: Make her suffer

[comic]
Sweet Tasting Jonas's subject line is a recipe for disaster for this two in their game of charades. =0

Spamusement: PLEASE HELP US!!!

[comic]
Expressions and oddities.

Spamusement: Spark Romance with Valentine DVD Menus

[comic]
More expressions.

Spamusement: The last can openner you will ever buy

[comic]
I'm not a soup man, so I've no idea if it comes in cans. I'm so uninformed.

Spamusement: The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live

[comic]
Obscure nerd joke.

Spamusement: Two fat teens trapped into boys shower. antenna

[comic]
Subject line by techstar25. Two fat teens and some kinda space bug, trapped in a small shower. WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

Spamusement: WOW! Fat people before and after pictures.

[comic]
It was either that or a stained wall, but I think bandages are funnier.

Spamusement: You left something the other night

[comic]
Those things should be keychain sized for safety.

Spamusement: Your computer needs to be fixed!

[comic]
Only in some definitions.

SQUARE BUMMED DOG

[picture]
In a tank.

STAR WARS FATTIES

[image]
WOULD KILL YOUR FAMILY FOR A GALACTIC HEROES YODA & KASHYYYK TROOPER TWIN PACK

STICKMAN DANCE

[animation]
Look at him shimmy and shake!

SUCK SO BAD

[public service announcement]
This is what happens when you don't rock hard enough to kill a man.

TECHNOLOGICAL APOCALYPSE

[comic]
I hate change!

The ambitious reviewer

[a lesson in reality]
A sad tale of idealism versus bringing home the bacon. Also... yeah. Don't call me on that third panel.

THE ANGRIEST ANGER I EVER ANGERED

[rage anger]
You can blame Link's Awakening for this. The dungeons bored and frustrated me!

THE COMMISSION MAN

[picture]
How could you not trust a face, oversized ear and claw hand like that?

THE CORE VERSUS EXPLODING CARS

[comic]
"Screw the Earth's core funking up, this is scary shit."

THE FACE ON HALO'S MOON

[shocking revelation]
He looks down on us all and he does not approve of your aimbotting.

THE MAN WHO CAN SOLVE EVERYTHING

[picture]
I meant to try and make this into some kind of joke, but honestly, it works just as it is.

THE MEN

[picture]
LEAVE IT TO THEM

THE MODERN CHOSEN ONE

[picture]
Seriously, why do they bother with chosen ones? They still win, yes, but only after whining and bitching about it and being terrible as chosen ones. Why not just see if people are good at saving the world and use them?

THE PROPORTIONATOR

[real comic]
The sad thing is that I like Rob Liefeld's stuff, even if my reason is simply for it being totally, completely absurd.

THE RAGEIATOR

[comic]
Explaining why the place is rarely updated outside of Sundays and why I need some fashion tips!

The Ring 2 summary

[comic]
An accurate summary of the breath-taking sequel to that one movie.

THINKING AHEAD IS AN UNDERRATED CONCEPT

[moral lesson]
When someone lets you kill a man, do you make use of the offer? Food for thought.

THIS IS YOU ON A HORSE

[suggestion]
Seriously, they don't make horses for moody people.

TOTALLY RAD ART MEME

[internet commentary on the internet]
Jumping onto any bandwagon is hip!

TRANSFORMERS IN NORTHERN IRELAND

[alternate reality]
What thoseparamilitary groups would gain by car bombing a giant truck and a sports car is beyond me, but it sure is fun to draw Mirage exploding orally!

Twenty minutes with Microsoft Publisher

[realisation]
You can create wordart, but not words? INCOMPREHENSIBLE

UGLY MARINE

[picture]
I was talking to WDot, and he showed me some some online game, Nexiuz or something, and there was a screenshot of some downright ugly marine. Here's a recreation of said screenshot.

VAMPIRES IN SPACE

[probably the best idea I've ever had]
It'd be like Jason X, except I need to actually watch the Friday The 13th movies to make some kind of witty comment comparing the two.

VIDEO GAME MIXUP

[observation]
More internet for ya!

VICTIM OF OPINIONS

[public service announcement]
This took me forty minutes to do. In that time I could've simply told you and complete Super Mario Land twice. At the same time, of course. Multi-tasking.

WHILE OUT ON A WALK

[true story]
Seriously, don't doubt me, I'M A REAL DEAL

WHY I SHOULD BE RICH

[idealization]
Honestly, why has nobody thought of making spray-on heat?
(made on the 10th of December 2007, so if someone makes it I HAVE REASON TO SUE)

WHY I SHOULDN'T BE TAKEN ANYWHERE

[the sad truth]
In my defence, I was waiting for someone to exit the toilets and it's not like there's much conversation to be had in that situation.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE A DEATH

[comic]
Food for thought.

---

Rockin' tunes

Wherein DJ Sam rocks your goddamned face off.

DJ Sam - DJ Sam

[MP3]
DJ Sam's debut song in his self-titled debut album, made with SUPER COMPRESSION and music samples found on some site I forget!
[lyrics, fo reals]

DJ Sam & Big Fatty - Fatty Fatty

[MP3]
DJ Sam's successful second single, with guest rapper Big Fatty supplying additional vocals.
[lyrics. fo sho]

DJ Sam - Prettuh Gurl

[MP3]
DJ Sam gets down with his sad self. Music kind of stolen and edited from here. Actual gangster activity for once!
[lyrics, fo certain]

DJ Sam as Bizarro Santa Claus - Bizarro Santa Claus

[MP3]
Just like Slim Shady, DJ Sam's secret identity gets his own album. Took him long enough to say a swear.
[lyrics, fo nickel]

---

Serious doodlings

And stuff that isn't meant to a joke or offensive goes here.

Bomberman - Japanese NES incarnation

[MS Paint]
Mostly an excuse to do some more foreshortening. I love how my definition of "mech detailing" amounts to just scribbling lines and other crap.

Caricature: Dad

[picture]
I took a lot of artistic license here. He's not that muscular. Nor is he often shirtless. And he never looks that angry. Okay, this is my dad in beard only.

Honen Calzoun

[penned, touched up in MS Paint]
He could very well have a complex and variable personality, but just the sight of him makes me think "grumpy bastard."

Humble Everybody, at your service!

[MS Paint]
Some goblin salesman guy. Guess which one didn't have an image reference for the hands!

Just some faces, vol. 1

[MS Paint]
Ain't nothing more. The green one is Energon Sky Shadow, btw.

Just some faces, vol. 2

[MS Paint]
Do I ever draw faces that aren't depressed, sinister or unhinged? I'm particularly enamoured with mafia don Mario.

Just some faces, vol. 3

[MS Paint]
Quality control has left the building!

Just some faces, vol. 4

[MS Paint]
Getting all scribble style.

KRAAIN IS IN THE MOOD FOR PLAYING WITH SCISSORS

[MS Paint]
This is simultaneously the worst drawing I've made of this character, and also the best. Discuss.
Well, discuss anything but the shading, really. I WAS NOT MADE TO COMPREHEND SUCH A CONCEPT

Mega Man - Crabbot & Sniper Armour

[MS Paint]
Originally drawn to make a scene of the slow Crabbot holding up traffic, the Sniper Armour among them, but it looked crap. Plus, as always, the coloured version doesn't even compare to the black and white.

Metal Slug comic

[MS Paint]
Special director's cut version of what I whipped up for RQ87's fan fiction. Also, original images for any completists out there.

Some freaky ass mofo

[MS Paint]
Yeah, don't ask me. His tongue looks as confused as you and me.

Some freaky ass mofo, fragment deus

[penned]
Effeminate poses make everything more freaky ass. And on rare occasions, mofo-ier.

THE FACE

[MS Paint]
THE FACE knows what you do at night.

THE GREATEST SCIENTIFIC GENIUS IN THE WORLD

[penned, touched up in MS Paint]
Turns out I accidentally put the classic Robotnik is AoStH clothes, rather than the type he actually wore in the games. Whoops?

Transformers - Ramjet likes toast

[penned, touched up in MS Paint]
Enough to do a celebratory "whoop whoop."

Transformers - Spy Shot 6

[MS Paint]
He's a likeable little bastard.

Transformers - Scavenger (Beast Machines)

[MS Paint]
He's a little giraffe crane tank thing with the cutest non-existent head ever. I totally forgot his chest guns, though.

Transformers - Zoom Out 25X

[MS Paint]
I tried a new way of outline and colouring. It's a bit crap.

ULTRA DETECTIVE IS OUT ON THE PROWL

[MS Paint]
Mostly an excuse to test out colouring and shading without putting much effort into it, but I think for those to work it needs more detail. Bulbous eyes and featureless faces do not good shading make.

Work doodles, vol. 1

[MS Paint]
Mostly moustached faces. Amusing story - the Rambo look-alike was originally meant to be Ryu, but someone commented "hey, cool Rambo!" and I was too much of a puss to accept the fact it was a crap Ryu, so off went the gi and on went the bullet belt.

Work doodles, vol. 2

[MS Paint]
Mostly bald, angry faces. I quite like the tiny dwarf, the two hat-wearing folk at the bottom left and the angry avian.

Work doodles, vol. 3

[MS Paint]
Mostly oddly proportioned faces. The moustached top hat guy was just yet another random doodle with the aforementioned elements I love, but someone commented it looks like the Monopoly guy. That didn't really change my direction, mind you, just thought I'd say.

Work doodles, vol. 4

[MS Paint]
Some bodies this time! I wanted the t-rex to ride a surfboard but I can't draw an oval to save my life.

Work doodles, vol. 5

[MS Paint]
December to February was a particular period of plentiful free time. I put some mild effort into the top hat dude's shading - it's a pity that it's completely impractical looking.