General Writings

I like to write!
No, seriously, I like to write. It's a passion of mine. Mostly because it's a way of expressing words without necessarily having to pronounce them verbally, meaning I can create idiotically long run-on sentences with as many discombobulating words as I darn well want in a grandiose way of conveying an opinion or story.
It's also because I like to tell people about things. Mostly video games and how a lot of them aren't very good.


| Media Love |
| Oddities + Observations |
| Video Game Highlights |
| Rants & Reviews |



Media Love

Dedicated sections of respect to games and other media, usually with more attention to detail than a regular ol' page. The dates here are just when they started; see their respective index pages for when the last independent update was.

Ragey's Totally Bombastic Bomberman Shrine Place

I'm a little bit crazy about the franchise, it's only a wonder it took this long to get around to it.

September 2009

Dinosaur Hunter Diaries

A chronological look at all the Turok media, even the bad ones. Letting the obnoxious comic nerd in me run loose.

January 2020

Finishing the Legend of Zelda

Step-by-step progress on how to fail miserably on a game everybody else doesn't fail at.

March 2008

Metal Slug: Missing in Action

Unused heebie-jeebies from the series. It's been around a while. You might've heard of it.

June 2005

Otimusya - Punchline Warrior

My dedication to a site now lost to the mists of time. Translations of his kooky game writings.

June 2011

Puchi Carat Palace

Love gushing for a puzzle game with little to no regard about its actual gameplay. Kooky!

June 2008

The Red Dwarf section

In-depth analysis-style reviews about a dead guy frequently reaching fourth base. You heard me.

September 2009

Wario's Woods

Mostly music downloads at the moment, but there'll probably be some nerdy waffle soon enough.

June 2011


Oddities + Observations

Not exactly an accurate title; this covers anything and everything, really. Mostly attempts to be vaguely humourous in the slightest degree.

I ♥ Kraid

I also have lots of opinions about Kraid but I'll forgive you for not wanting to know.

October 2021

The Evolution of Bowser('s sprite)

I have a lot of opinions about sprites and about Bowser. Let me drown you in them.

June 2021

Doggie Doo

Russian Roulette with a plastic anus.

November 2011

Unfinished Works (vol. 2)

More of the same, except longer!

July 2010

Batman vs. Tarzan

Proof that Random Hoo Haas is now just about whatever stupid Nintendo merchandise I find in the garage.

June 2010

The Cassette Boy

I'm not sure how something I found in the garage prompted an article as stupid as this.

April 2010

How the Classic Controller broke my heart

And why I will never love third party peripherals again.

April 2010

Who is McZee?

A vaguely investigative story into someone nobody cares about.

January 2010

Nintendo All-Star Battle Cards

Ever wanted to know Timber's exact height in centimetres, or his approximate power level? Find out inside!

December 2009

I ♥ Tracy

A love page for a character that isn't an obscure cartoon creature? It happened.

August 2009

I AM ERROR. YOU ARE GLUE.

Education about unfounded internet memes!

July 2009

THE KID RHINO RHINO MUST DIE

Sometimes cartoon animal mascots just don't work, y'know.

July 2009

Wicket - the deadliest force in the galaxy

Just how many things can one little Ewok decimate? (A tenth, if you abide the proper definition of the word.)

May 2009

Optimus Prime's mouth - revealed!

Animation errors are a bitch.

April 2009

Tony the Tiger: 2nd Class Villain in 1st Class Post

Wherein I make more complaints about breakfast than jabs at the story.

November 2008

Making sense of random battles

That isn't achieved at all. Instead I draw dinosaurs biting people's crotches.

February 2008

50.Grind's Gotta Catch 'Em All

The Zelda Rap may be definitive of 80s video gaming, but take a gander at this little beaut.

August 2007

Greenland is shitty

Actually about crazy childhood education, believe it or not!

August 2007

Tart Top is the worst

The folly of Mario Kart DS.

July 2007

Welcome to the dead place

PS2 croaks, and I'm guilty. Movie at eleven.

May 2007

Unfinished Works (vol. 1)

Updates reach an all-time low.

May 2007

An Ideal Human

"Playing God is never a pretty sight."

April 2007

final fighantsy script.txt

Proof that my brother is clinically insane and I should stop being his lackey.

March 2007

Tales of the Nintendo 64

I just can't get enough of retelling these personal stories. Will anyone care? Read to find out!

March 2007

I ♥ Lizardon

How a fame-seeking monster-stacking purple reptile stole my heart.

February 2007

Bad Eatter [sic] The Man 2!

The sequel from the time of knights, now very creationist.

December 2006

Crocodile Man Adventures 1: The Museum

Guest-starring Grandad and Crazy Uncle Lester, plus the creatures of Africa.

November 2006

Bad Eater The Man!

A look at one of my crazy creations in 3D Movie Maker from the years of dinosaurs.

October 2006

I ♥ Octoman

Why I love that thong-wearing little squid racer.

July 2006

Love & Monsters: A story to fit every taste

An impromptu doodle story with Invader Mar!

July 2006


Video Game Highlights

Not review-y enough to be a review, but not enough love gushing to be a fully-fledged media love section. And also just here for the simple purpose of making the Oddities & Observations section less bloated.

F-ZERO - Otimusya

Everything you need to know about fictional time trial tactics.

October 2015

Final Fight - Otimusya

Beatings are heavy in Super Crime City. Heads-up: inappropriate sexual and transphobic gags.

October 2015

Hokuto no Ken - Otimusya

If anyone's got a gag that isn't a riff on "you are already dead", hit me up.

October 2015

Wolfenstein 3D - Otimusya

A Japanese perspective on the dawn of first-person shooters.

October 2015

10 reasons why Super Mario Land 2 is pretty neat

When in doubt, rehash a concept.

January 2012

Excite Bike - Otimusya

There's nothing in the rules saying a Terminator can't enter a motocross tournament!

June 2011

Super Mario Bros. - Otimusya

Coin genitilia. That says it all.

June 2011

Balloon Fight - Otimusya

The logistics of balloon flight are explored, and it all ends in tears.

June 2011

12 reasons why Super Mario Land is pretty rad

Just in case my writing wasn't lazy enough.

March 2010

Dark Tower

I'll come in when I damn well want to.

February 2010

The Speed Rumbler

Instant death? Instant death! Also I swear I've had the barebones of this sitting around since 2006. Me lazy.

February 2010

Kung-Fu Master

Hours of kicking-people-in-the-face fun! Okay, ten minutes at the most.

November 2009

Jail Break

Let the hostages go. Oh no!

April 2009

Hanna-Barbera's Turbo Toons

You've got to admire the concept, though.

February 2009

Thomas the Tank Engine: The video game

It's not that fantastic. Both the game and the rambling, that is.

August 2008

Chelnov - Atomic Runner

One of those games that you want to love but the frequent deaths try to quash any affection for it.

June 2008

Tasmania Story

All kinds of wacky comparisons in an attempt to understand just how the hell to define this game. Also mice.

May 2008

64th Street - A Detective Story

Forget all these new mystery solving games, this is one that uses the best interrogative tool of all: Your fists.

February 2008

Godzilla GB

Not what you expect it to be, both in gameplay and what it started as!

January 2008

Shadows of the Empire

A quickie! Five reasons why it rocks and also scared the dickens out of me.

November 2007

Ganbare Ginkun - Action Minigame Shuu

This game features a giant killer shoe. A giant killer high-heeled shoe.

November 2007

Bomberman GB

Obscure game information of a game people know? It happened.

October 2007

Othello is terrible

The game, not the Shakespeare play. Great title screen, though.

May 2007

Diet Go Go!

Intended to be humourous and such-like, but dwindled into mindless ranting. Has a cameo from Chelnov.

May 2007

Why Mega Man - The Power series rules

Ten reasons justifying why they totally rock and should get sequels.

December 2006

Saturn Bomberman Fight!!

Obscure game information, as well as the scanned manual.

September 2006

Taz-Mania: Two crappy games

Water isn't the only thing Taz hates. Taz hate low-quality licensed video games!

May 2006


Rants + Reviews

Wherein I attempt to make a statement. Usually involving lots of swear words.

Some games I played in 2023

I think the summaries are superfluous at this point!

February 2024

Some games I played in 2022

It's still going!

September 2023

Some games I played in 2021

I'm running out of one-sentence descriptors!

July 2020

Croc 2: Learning All The Wrong Lessons

Trying new things? Unforgivable!

October 2021

Croc: The Little 3D Platformer That Tried

Defending the honour of long dead platforming franchises.

August 2021

Some games I played in 2020

Game design talk ad short-lived obsessions - it's getting more and more niche!

July 2020

Some games I played in 2019

Now just a blog post that got too big! The scope lessens!

December 2019

Some games I played in 2015

Another year of getting frustrated with the most innocuous games.

October 2016

Some games I played in 2014

More words and less media! Did any of it deserve this much ranting?!

October 2015

Some games I played in 2013

More of the same, except I forgot half of what I watched!

October 2015

Some games I played in 2012

And books and movies and TV shows, too! You better believe I was a lazy mofo that year.

August 2014

Some games I played in 2009

What games reduced me to frothing, swearing wrecks that year?

January 2010

Jungle Panda (in collaboration with Scary-Crayon!)

Forget the panda, watch out for that frickin' snake!

June 2009

Quick Man - The Jazwares Action Figure

A toy based off a Japanese video game, and it isn't an immobile statuette? Dubious enquiry!

June 2009

Steve Irwin - Xtreme Machine

Holy wow.

May 2009

Pink Goes To Hollywood

A licensed video game that's not very good? Shock of the century!

March 2009

Plasma Tech Bogkov

Rubber-like Transformers rip-offs that don't even transform. And I like them? Blasphemy!

August 2008

Video reviews

A format that should be great becomes misused. Cue a complaint!

June 2008

Robot Masters 01 - G1 Convoy

Double whammy! A review of the real deal and an inflated bootleg.

February 2008

Tranx Fighers Planet Fighter Tyrannobot

It's not quite a redeco but not quite a retool either! And I ramble a lot.

January 2008

Titanium Soundwave

Filled with flaws and drawbacks, but I try and reason with it. Mostly because I got it for £6.

December 2007

Action Master Blaster

Expressing love to a toyline that just about everyone reviles? Must be sacrilege.

December 2007

Mega Man III (Game Boy)

A whole two paragraphs on the game, really. The rest is about expansion packs!

December 2007

Dinosaur warrior Dinosaur Bot POWERFUL

Get a new toy and only review it several weeks after getting it. Am I a terrible person?

October 2007

CT Special Forces

Hardcore Gaming 101 style look-at.

July 2007

New Super Mario Bros. mini-games

Bitching and whining about the flaws of the DS! And maybe some reviews.

May 2007

HALO SUX LOL

You hear it all the time, and now Galvatron and I say the same! It's not much new, really.

May 2007

Realm of the Dead

It's not very good!

April 2007

Super Mario World

Totally over the top love story from Steve.

January 2007

Mario Party Mini-Game reviews

Exactly what it says there. No pictures, though.

December 2006

Let's Talk Metal Slug (with Galvatron!)

A bit like Ebert and Siskel, except I've never seen that outside of the parody on The Simpsons.

November 2006

The State of the GBA market (the positive)

The Game Boy Advance's library isn't all that bad.

June 2006

Super Mario 64 DS

It's bad enough on it's own, but then you learn it once had co-operative multi-player and all hell breaks loose!

February 2006

Metal Slug Advance

A list of bullet points detailing why the game makes me sad and got me temporarily hated at the MSDB.

December 2005

Sonic Advance 2

All but the first game in the Advance series are duds. Nagging!

December 2005

The State of the GBA market (the negative)

The Game Boy Advance's library stinks.

December 2005